Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Attempts






Your longing for Me
 is my message to you.
All your attempts to reach Me
Are in reality
 my attempts to reach you ♥

-unknown author

Will Always...



I will always want you...
we both know our love will never die, 
no matter what anyone else wants or says. 
I feel lost without you so often,
 yet strangely, 
because of you,
 I'm NOT lost anymore without you. 
You are a vital chapter in my life t
hat i've needed to go on reading past...
because my life and my family's lives, must go on.
 But you are always only a thought, 
a smile,
 a breath,
 a heartbeat away from me. 
What we say must be for always now, 
doesn't mean it always will mean the same thing a year, 2 years or 10 years from now.

You were my first love, and my last lover.

The space where we touched is sacred, 
and will lie dormant
 as my life goes on separate from, yet parallel to, yours, 
as I go on through and to new things...
and perhaps God willing,
 by chance of some miracle I refuse to stop believing in,
 life and love will lead us back to one another... someday. 
Then what is still together yet apart,
 will be whole again. 
Thank you for the gifts you unknowingly gave me sweetheart...
I LOVE YOU...
" ♥ LIKE ♥ SHARE ♥ TAG ♥ ". THANK YOU! ♥

Sad Realization (Sept 2012)



That sad realization
 that just because you love someone,
 it doesn't mean they will ever change, 
that you can ever be together again for your own good, 
and perhaps that you are and will always remain better off without them. 
It hurts like a bed of nails, 
but that doesn't mean the pain will last forever...
time heals the deepest wounds...
and healing comes by living day to day doing the very best you can...

All it Takes is a Song (Sept 2012)

I hate it when I think I'm getting strong, 
and then all it takes is a song, 
to surround and envelope me in memories...
and within moments 
all I see is blur on the outside,
 all I see is his face on the inside, 
and my face becomes the canvas 
for a pallet 
of colorless,
 salty tears :-(

No Matter How Far (Aug 2012)

No matter how far I come...no matter how better I live...no matter what I do to change life and experiences...altho it all is good and makes me feel happy and alive...when I'm all alone, I know that no one realizes I am truly dying of a br
oken heart. One true love in my entire life, and so much gone thru both before and after a horrific accident, and now we can't be together because it just isn't what is right for those around us...and becuz his brain is locked in limbo and disillusion and confusion. I had to walk away...but part of me is gone...everyone thinks I'm fine....but i'm not at all :-(
...and when you think there just arent any more tears left to cry...oh believe me when I say...the tears just come and come.





 I keep asking myself, how do I mourn this "death" when in reality he is alive. I have so much anger as well. Thing is even tho he is a completely different person, our love didnt change. He is still him, just different, and I could accept that, but I can't bring him back home due to his behaviors. I just keep praying and hoping he gets better, someday, even if it takes years.....

Short n Sweet (August 2012)

I realized there is no short sweet answer...
nor one wrong or right...
he says, "are we together?"
..."well no," I say
"then we AREN'T together?"
..."correct...I.mean NO," I answer
He pauses...
"Well then...what exactly are we?"
My eyes fill up
..."I don't know...I only know I love you...."

Today I'm Grateful for...

Today I'm grateful for: family n friends who love me, understand me, stand by me, don't judge me...for the one's who listen to me cry because I love and miss Danny and didn't want this brain injury/bipolar mess to end the way it has, and don't say things like "I tried to tell you" or "you shoulda known" or "he's rotten" or "you were too good for him"...for those who supported and prayed for
 us thru this long incredible journey. For those who even if they don't or can't understand what's going on listen and at least try to without judgement. I'm grateful for my precious little boy who is now the biggest inspiration of my life, and for my daughter who listens and always says something to show she cares how i'm feeling, and my 21yr old son who even when pushed well beyond frustration and anger stood by me quietly and respected me enough to allow me to feel my way thru the dark, held my hand to help me be strong, and I know understands what I still feel. I am grateful for my pets lol who give me their unconditional love no matter how horrible I feel, look or act.  I'm very grateful for all the new friends I have made along the way as well as  recently....good, normal, talented, intelligent, insightful, dedicated, balanced and healthy people. I'm grateful I finally, after living half my life, was able to experience the wildest, truest, and most genuine love possible, and I'm grateful for all that that love taught and still continues to teach me, about my life and about myself, my worth, my capability to be strong...and I'm grateful for my very life and all the spirits who are opening up the world to guide me....