For whatever reason in Danny's past, whether childhood trauma or family situations...or maybe just chemical make-up, Danny was never one to say "I love you". In almost 2yrs together he had only said it a couple of times. I never cared. I understood, and appreciated that at least he wasn't spitting those words out every half hour like most guys, until it means practically nothing except words to say. He always told me he didn't have to say that...I knew how he felt.
When I walked onto the brain injury unit on Thursday, he burst into tears when he saw me, hugged me so tightly and while sobbing, said "I love you Kathy..." Let me tell you...it meant more at that moment than it could ever have meant at any other time in our lives.
Danny also isn't one for public displays of affection...so imagine my surprise in the physical therapy gym when he stopped in the middle of his exercise, came over to where I was sitting, asked me if I was ok, stood me up, and kissed me passionately three times...in front of everyone. It was beautiful, although I felt kinda corny. Everyone in the room was watching, smiling, and one of the girls even looked about to cry. He made my day...my week, my month. When people suffer a brain injury, one characteristic that seems universal, is that the brain's "filters" are removed. This can include inhibition, judgment, appropriateness. People in the first year, and especially first months of the injury will say or do what they want, when they want to. They really have no conception of how appropriate it is. Feelings and emotions, happiness, anger as well as sexual feelings, are displayed openly. It became evident that he was entering this phase. He was beginning to say sexual things to me on my visits, and act out in a sexual way, much to my embarrassment, in front of others. He was also becoming angry at times and belligerent, and downright nasty with his comments at times. I being closest, of course received the brunt of it. Following the day of loving words and actions, was a day of him being hurtful and reducing me to tears. I tried to stay strong, but it was hard at times, and so stressful. Thank heaven for the folks on my brain injury support site, who assured me it was all normal and to be expected. He was continually ripping off his neck brace, and lashing out when we would put it back on. He was crying a lot, laughing at inappropriate things, and all over the place with his emotions. And so so confused that it was scary. I called him from home and when they put him on the phone sometimes he would say he missed me, or loved me...other times it was "hi...well I have to go now..."
He finally was put into the shower on Friday, and I was told it was a royal fiasco. He was over sensitive to the cold air, the hot water and the feel of it on his skin. A few days later I got to experience it for myself when I helped with his shower. He started going to sleep better and the tossing and turning was slowing down. He was able to stand still for longer periods also, which was great when the nurses were trying to give meds and food through the tube. I looked at these things...these changes and phases, even the seemingly hurtful ones, as great strides in his progress.
At home I was swamped with mounds of paperwork to fill out...long applications from different agencies, disability forms...it went on and on. Having ADD myself I am still amazed at how I held it all together in an organized fashion. The thin notebook I was given at the start was replaced by a 3 inch binder that was filling up fast. The notebook went everywhere with me so I had anything I needed...any information required, at my fingertips. The care plan update meeting again showed Danny was meeting and exceeding the goals given to him. Everyone seemed amazed at his recovery speed.
http://www.braininjuryguide.org/special/sexualdisinhibition.html
