The month of July was sooo hot, above 85, 90, and even 95 sometimes most of the days of the month. The hour drive back and forth to therapy was often excruciating. Danny was full-swing into his obsession with fixing the stereo sound system in the car, and each and EVERY trip in the car I dealt with him making me wait an hour or more for him to tinker with it. His sleep cycle was reversed for half the month, and he began refusing to get up and get ready for his appointment sometimes. One weekend that we stayed at Barb's, he again slept all day but was awake at night, and we spent the evenings out on her patio talking.
OCD was still ruling Danny's awake times, but I could handle the occasional things he did that were extreme. He spent about 2 weeks spending copious amounts of time on the computer, and when I would go to use it, it would take me hours sometimes to straighten out the mess he got it into. And often he ripped apart my surround sound system and drug speakers from everywhere to create his own version of realistic sounding music or video games. I would let him go, and just fix everything back the next day.
Along with computer obsession came more fixating on his ex in Germany...writing to her, asking her to visit, grilling her about his old belongings, asking if he could come stay there, telling her how he missed her. It took everything in my power to take all this in stride. I just kept telling myself he was trying to connect with the past, since it was fragmented somewhat and all he could really remember. She wrote to me personally several times. She wanted to know how to handle Danny and his emails. I told her to handle it any way she wanted. I lost my patience when he decided to call her one day though, in Germany, and stay on the phone for almost 3 hours. I was not pleased with the 320 dollar phone bill I received. Luckily the phone company did my a "one-time service" and took it away given the circumstances. I also had international calling removed. He still kept trying to call her, and I would have to remind him every time that I took away the long-distance.
I grew quite close to some of the girls in my brain injury support forum and Danny and I both had the pleasure of conversing by phone with some of them. It was awesome how we all understood and cared about each other.
My car was beginning to have a lot of problems and I feared it nearing its end. The radiator broke, then a rear wheel brake shattered and locked up, along with numerous minor things. More living on the edge....
I was having insomnia and nightmares much more frequently.
I was trying to get Danny's nights and days back to normal, and also wanted to curb the growing aggression he seemed to be starting with. It began to appear as if his prior bipolar issues were returning more strongly, and this was frightening. He still refused to shower but for every week or even less.
At the end of the month ANOTHER different psychiatrist "adjusted" meds again. Alittle Vyvanse was good right? So maybe more will be better. WRONG! Depakote and Seroquel were increased, but the Vyvanse increase was a disaster. Danny now was a nervous wreck, full of anxiety, restless etc....and just not a nice person sometimes...
Summing up July in my journal...
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Typical Days of Aggravation in July
Today was one of the most frustrating days yet!! Last night Danny was anxious to go to therapy today. We got to bed early, altho sleeping was difficult cuz we only have fans in our bedroom and it didnt touch this heat.
We got up, we ate, he took his meds, but then he started his hemming n hawing abt going to therapy. "I dont need it. There's nothin wrong with me" etc. Nothing I can say or do changes him when he gets like that. I'm getting tired of missing appts and I feel like the rehab must think its a reflection on me. To be honest, I dont have it in me to keep trying to talk him into it. I DID tell him tho that he hadda call them HIMSELF and tell them.
We had already missed speech therapy. Its an hour n 5min away. Well, he called, and she talked him into at least coming to see the neuropsychologist. Well thats wonderful, except he was still in his PJs and unbathed, and we would have to leave in 20 min to get there in time. I have a TERRIBLE time getting him motivated to get a bath and he hadnt gotten one night before. And because of the TBI I guess, it doesnt seem to bother him at all not bathing. This is sooo NOT Danny. He was always SCRUPULOUS with bathing and grooming, in fact overboard with it cuz of his OCD. Well he goes up to get ready and I'm telling him over and over..."You have 20 min and we HAVE to leave!" I go up in a few minutes and he's sitting there smoking a ciggy. He says "I am, I am" when I say "GET READY!!!" He's going on abt how he can't believe he's been being such a "scumbag" etc
Well he's taking his good old time, washing at the sink as slow as can be, picking just the right clothes etc. Then he's washing his hair over the tub etc etc. I'm VERY irritated by now. Dont feel like driving an hour in 100 degree heat to catch the last 25 min of his appt. I'm getting very annoyed, yelling even. Nothing moves him faster. Once he was ready he STILL wasnt coming outta the house even tho I'm out front blowing the horn. Finally we left.
The appt went ok. Dr suggested he try to get involved in some activity thats volunteer or something. OK...
When we get out to the sweltering car I remind him I have to be back in town by 5pm to pay my car ins. or it will cancel at midnight. What does he do? WORKS ON THE CAR STEREO for OVER an HOUR!! I am HOT! Sweat is pouring off me, my mascara is burning in my eyes, I am yelling "Come on!" To no avail. With his OCD, its always "Ok im almost done" "just another moment" etc. He's got his head in the trunk with the subwoofers, splicing wires, connecting them, doing god only knows what. As the time came and went to make it to town in time I am beside myself, crying and eventually soooo angry I punched the shit outta my steering wheel (my knuckles are bruised) Driving home I'm angry as hell, and he HAS NO IDEA WHY!!!
When we get into town, he wants to stop at an old friend's house that he's been saying has his old weightbench (from back pre-army days...like 2000). He goes in, and again, I'm in the car, sweating my ass off, dying, gettin mad. I had to go n after him in a half hour and made a fool of myself bitching. Now the ppl prolly think I'm just a bitch all the time.
We finally get home, and pass a kid on a motorbike, and he's yelling for me to stop so he can ask the kid if he wants to sell the bike (with WHAT MONEY is he buying anything???) I refuse and keep driving. I am a bundle of nerves, hot, exhausted and ready to hit up the state store!!
On top of that, I figured at least if I put the ins. money in the bank machine I can pay it online before midnight. Well, isnt the damn machine being serviced!!! Gota try later.
NOW he decided to walk up the block to one of Nick's friend's dad's house to ask if he has any projects he can do. He's NEVER walked anywhere from the house yet. Guess I gotta walk up and check on hm soon. Who knows if he can find his way home.
Its too hot for this aggravation.!!!
The appt went ok. Dr suggested he try to get involved in some activity thats volunteer or something. OK...
When we get out to the sweltering car I remind him I have to be back in town by 5pm to pay my car ins. or it will cancel at midnight. What does he do? WORKS ON THE CAR STEREO for OVER an HOUR!! I am HOT! Sweat is pouring off me, my mascara is burning in my eyes, I am yelling "Come on!" To no avail. With his OCD, its always "Ok im almost done" "just another moment" etc. He's got his head in the trunk with the subwoofers, splicing wires, connecting them, doing god only knows what. As the time came and went to make it to town in time I am beside myself, crying and eventually soooo angry I punched the shit outta my steering wheel (my knuckles are bruised) Driving home I'm angry as hell, and he HAS NO IDEA WHY!!!
When we get into town, he wants to stop at an old friend's house that he's been saying has his old weightbench (from back pre-army days...like 2000). He goes in, and again, I'm in the car, sweating my ass off, dying, gettin mad. I had to go n after him in a half hour and made a fool of myself bitching. Now the ppl prolly think I'm just a bitch all the time.
We finally get home, and pass a kid on a motorbike, and he's yelling for me to stop so he can ask the kid if he wants to sell the bike (with WHAT MONEY is he buying anything???) I refuse and keep driving. I am a bundle of nerves, hot, exhausted and ready to hit up the state store!!
On top of that, I figured at least if I put the ins. money in the bank machine I can pay it online before midnight. Well, isnt the damn machine being serviced!!! Gota try later.
NOW he decided to walk up the block to one of Nick's friend's dad's house to ask if he has any projects he can do. He's NEVER walked anywhere from the house yet. Guess I gotta walk up and check on hm soon. Who knows if he can find his way home.
Its too hot for this aggravation.!!!
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Wanting to walk to a friend's house also IS an accomplishment for him in the motivation area. It is bothering me NOW, because I am set to return to work this week, and have it in my "worry-bank" that instead of taking for granted that he always stays inside unless i'm with him, I'm worried he will go someplace and get lost while i'm at work. Thank heavens most of the shifts will be 11-7 nightshift. Snap and I were IMing last night and discussing that an ID bracelet with his name, "brain injury/confusion", our address and phone would be good to get for him. I know he wont wanna wear it all the time, but maybe he'll agree to just when I'm not here.
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