Within the first two weeks after Danny's accident, I found my way to Daily Strength (http://www.dailystrength.org), a website offering support group forums for probably hundreds of diseases, conditions, situations, bad habits, etc. I found there the brain injury forum. At first I was of course a stranger, posting random questions to find out if behaviors Danny was having were normal or not. Its very scary when you have no clue what to expect. I always received replies to my questions, but not just impersonal answers...the folks offered encouragement and support. They were real friendly, and of course in many various stages of their brain injury journeys, so I could relate both to what I'd already experienced so far, was seeing at the present, as well as could be better prepared for the coming changes too.
After awhile I began to develop closer connections, especially to the people there who were the wives, girlfriends, families and caregivers of the brain injured. Although I received support and information from the victims themselves, when communicating with wives and caregivers etc, the connection we all felt was amazing. It was like finding people who "get it" in a world full of people who DONT! The behavior problems, mood swings, memory loss, etc etc etc....we all were going through almost the exact same things in one way or another. We understood one another in ways no one else would or COULD!
We understood the "mourning" for a person who is gone but yet still here in the same body (or a very broken body for some) and how you are trapped in a mourning "limbo" because there's no real closure. We understood the extreme exhaustion many of us have because the caretaking of a brain injured person is ceaseless and emotionally draining. "Regular" people dont "get" this, and may think its just a matter of making sure someone is clean, fed and doled out their medication. In actuality, even when all the physical things are healed, the repercussions mentally of brain injury reach into every aspect of our lives. Many of us, myself included, have gone literally days with practically no sleep, and have had to follow, chase, protect, plead with and even physically battle, our brain injured loved ones day after day. Day in and day out listening to confabulated stories and delusions, hiding keys and other harmful objects all around the house until we ourselves cant even remember where we have put them, playing referee between the brain injured and the rest of the family whose last nerve he may be on. Pleading with them to take their meds, eat right, write things down, check the calendar, take a bath, go to their therapies...
They understood the hurt of someone not remembering who you are even when you have been the ONE there for them through it all...and they understood the anger and resentment of husbands and boyfriends being stuck in the past and missing old partners or lifestyles. There's just SO much more...but the point is...they understood like no one else...like you cant know unless you live it every day of your life.
Eventually we "girls" formed our own private group where we could vent, share, laugh, cry, scream, and whatever else, more freely. We call ourselves a "sisterhood" and thats what we are. We can write, and many of us are in phone contact, always knowing someone who understands is at the other end of the line.
Enter my friend Kiki. Her husband left the house for work one spring morning this past April, and just a few moments later answered her front door to a woman asking if Kiki knew who the man lieing crumpled at the end of her driveway was. It was Kiki's husband Roger. It is assumed but not known for sure if he was hit by a car. No one has ever come forward as a witness or perpetrator. Very sad. Roger wasnt fortunate enough to make the remarkably rapid recovery Danny has. He lie for 4 mo in a coma, and after 2 mo more "wakeful" is just now responding more appropriately, trying to speak. He is immobile. More tragically, he has been riddled with infection after infection all along, and for every step forward he's gone several steps back. He is too healthy for a hospital and not far enough progressed to be eligible for brain injury rehab. His option has been nursing home care, and frequent hospital admissions all through the way.
Kiki is a special woman. Her and Roger adopted two special needs children and had a full and very busy life. Kiki is one of those people who is always doing for someone else. She has devoted every spare moment to being with Roger and using stimulation therapy on him daily...exercising his extremities, playing favorite music, talking and reading. She has been tireless. Kiki is special to me because I feel she gives gives gives soooo much to others, but is struggling terribly herself. She has spent several hours talking on the phone to both myself and Danny. She has a patient loving way. It literally broke my heart to realize she was so kind in giving herself, her thoughts, love, advice, support to US, while she was suffering the most horrific crisis herself!
Kiki needs to bring Roger home. She will need help with his care since he does not move. She needs a vehicle that accommidates a wheelchair, and a special exerciser for his muscles. She needs help with all of this. Financial help. I am hoping that you can see and feel the wonderful nature of Kiki, and visit the website for Roger. Pass it to your friends as well. With the tiniest donations from folks who care, it will add up to help my friend Kiki and her husband Roger....Thank you from the very bottom of my heart...
the link is.....
www.rogercoomer.com
