Med effects/moods
Saturday, June 4, 2011 |
Danny started the ADHD and memory medications Thursday AM. He was goin on abt the lost cars as soon as he woke up that day, wanted to call the State Police and sounding like he might get very agitated real soon...but as the morning wore on he seemed to come out from under a fog! He was watching TV calmly and seemed oddly very lucid. For example he was discussing all my spellings and punctuations with me as I was writing a blog, and with 100% accuracy! His conversation seemed WAY more focused too. We were talking abt all sorts of things. Later in the evening he was researching something online and stayed focused on it for 2 hrs. We used to ALWAYS do that before, kinda like a hobby, just look up all sorts of things we were curious abt and learn abt them. He hasnt touched the computer since the accident. We were up late talking abt things and he just seemed so much more "like he was before". Even his wobbly gait improved and yesterday on our trips to drs and therapy, he was more steady and carried himself tall and proud like he used to. I thought, this MUST be my imagination or the power of suggestion. Families of brain injury patients say ALL the TIME that they keep/kept waiting for some miracle moment or epiphany in recovery, but it doesnt come. Recovery is long, slow, difficult for everyone to go thru, and has ups n downs...but it's a steady grind.
Anyway, here n there thru the day he said he felt dizzy, "funny", n once had nausea, and I figure the medication is affecting him to a degree. The Namenda for memory takes days to kick in, so its the Vyvanse for ADHD, which he was on before the accident, that is making him more alert. What I cant figure out is, that he had/has pretty serious ADHD, and the med was helping that before. It is in essence, an amphetamine. They say if you really dont have ADHD, the med will make you "speedy" and it didnt before. But now it must be having that effect at least alittle. IDK. I talked to his psychiatrist's nurse later that day and she told the dr and they are thrilled. He also didnt have the seroquel and depakote thru the day cuz both are at night now and extended release, so those things werent making him sluggish.
There are some side-effects tho. Along with being more alert, that night and yesterday he also became weepy at times, kinda depressed. He expressed fears that his life will be "nothing" now because of this brain injury, and worries he wont ever be normal etc. He is saying he is very scared. I look at this tho, kinda as a good thing and step forward too. I dont want him to be scared or sad, but BEFORE he didnt even have an AWARENESS of how he is now. He didnt even use the words brain injury before, like he really had no clue what he had. So I'm hoping things even out with these med changes and then the drs can work on tweaking them. Maybe he will need something more for depression, or something. The neuropsychologist said yesterday when we saw him, that he agrees with what the psychiatrist changed, and he still wants to reduce all the meds he possibly can, but first they will tweak and get everything good, then slowly start cutting it all down and down.
Today will be day 3 on the meds. I'm actually anxious for him to wake up today so I can see how he is, what changes, if its even better as the Namenda kicks in. I know I really have my hopes up, but it just seems miraculous to me. It means he is capable of being less confused. Also I wonder if a low dose amphetamine has ever really been tried with TBI, to increase alertness, awareness and lessen confusion. It seems like something that should or could be tried.
Well anyway, just wanted to update you all on how its working. I will keep you posted. Love to all!!!
As we moved thru the month of June, so many things seemed better as far as alertness and memory, but some seemed so much worse. The OCD raged stronger and stronger, and he seemed discouraged and upset so often...
My chronicling on Facebook described the daily happiness as well as frustration. Things seemed to become very complicated very fast....
JUNE 3rd....Yesterday was an emotionally draining day. The new med 4 adhd seems 2 have lifted a fog. Danny took no naps yesterday (unheard of) n he has exploded back into his nonstop talking mode. Theres been conversation all last nite n 2day, deep insightful stuff on both our parts, and also some negative n hurtful exchanges. The journey continues 2 twist n change.
Today was good. Dannys talkin ALOT, 2 the point of lookin n gettin anxious. Also real weepy n fearing 4 his life n future 2 B "nothing" cuz of this. Hopin in few days meds level out, n if not more tweaking 2 B done.
JUNE 4th... Dannys been sleepin all day, but thats alright. He just had the very first 2 days since he's been home in 4 months, to be up all day with no naps at all and active. He is exhausted obviously, and that brain of his wants to heal so bad and needs rest to do so....so sleep my love.
JUNE 5th...Tonight we talked and watched a movie n some TV, ate dinner, and we went to sleep for awhile on the sofa. He watched the discovery channel. Still alert, little weepiness, less mention of "the cars"
Danny is very engrossed in all the menus/settings on the cable box. He's pressing all sorts of buttons...I hope he knows what he's doing...but I can see he doesnt.
JUNE 9th...Danny got 2 sleep@1am I think, but neither of us slept well w/the heat (our bedroom AC broke last fall) Now its 5pm n he hasnt gotten up yet, refusing his pills n wont come downstairs where its cool. Guess I cant force him but geez, he hasnt eaten either. N we'll be up all nite again. I feel he's depressed 2day...he fears 4 his future n feels worthless. If only he believed how very much he's worth 2 me!!
Dr D says 2 hang in, keep encouraging, and that Dannys welcome 2 call him anytime 2 talk. Nick n I visited Barb 4 a bit. We got 2 see a Lamborgini on the highway on the way home...Nick was thrilled! When we walked in I was met with a huge, hug and teary-eyed kiss cuz he missed me so :-)
JUNE 22nd...Dr is tweaking meds a bit more 2 try 2 boost motivation, correct sleep cycle n eliminate depression, was impressed by Danny's current state. CeCe the nurse there spoke to us(mostly Dan)for over an hour. She is sooo good, patient, knowledgable, but just plain comforting...geez it makes me wish she were my mom, haha. She's so good with Danny. I'm thankful 4 the wonderful ppl we have found 2 help guide us thru all this.
JUNE 23rd...A little stressed....a bit frustrated...pretty baffled...and right now trying for Danny to track down money he got when his dad died. It was blown...all of it... blown in Germany...but he doesnt believe that, but IDK, and its bothering him. I just feel like I need to help him find out what happened to it
JUNE 26th...My car wont start. Im broke. My amnesiac bf thinks im just his "buddy". I mean really...what next?
JUNE 29th...Muddling through...difficult stuff...relationship tangles and confusion for Danny and so also for me...memory loss is an awful thing, seeking to destroy what was, and trying to mess up what is. Its hard for me, for us, and all I can do is keep waiting and trying to get through it day by day, and what will be will be...
I didn't know how to weigh these things against eachother...was it better to improve the memory with a stimulant and have him more alert? Was it a fair trade off in that he now was more aware of himself and was feeling depression as well as more OCD and was driven to do "projects" at an alarming rate? No one had answers for me, and I only could do what I felt each day was best. This was all uncharted territory for me, and actually pretty much so for the doctors too since Danny had so many predisposing conditions...
