Danny opened his eyes...my excitement was just overwhelming beyond belief. I felt such joy, thankfulness, emotion! He opened them when told to, which meant a PURPOSEFUL action! A purposeful action meant he comprehended a command and followed it! It meant he could understand and reason.
By the time I got to the hospital that evening though, Danny didn't look well. He WAS waking up though. His eyes fluttered open half-way for me twice, and he patted and stroked my hand with his right hand, along with moving it just in general. He was doing a sweet "puckering" thing with his lips, and I knew he could understand my words because he showed emotion. This was all so wonderful, however I was quite distressed.
Danny's infection was back...and worse. He went septic, the MRSA infection through his bloodstream. His fever was very high again and there was a cold water bodycooling machine on him now to keep it down. God, I just wanted to lay over his body in that bed and keep him warm. His shivering was so intense! His blood pressure was so very low that he had to be on medication to keep it from bottoming out, and his heart rate and respirations were extremely high. Perhaps the scariest thing was the appearance of his urine in the catheter drainage bag. The output was very low, and the urine was thick, dark orange/almost tan, and there were huge globs of mucus in it. This meant his kidneys were slowing down. Sepsis will shut down your organs system by system and lead to death if not treated successfully. More heavy-duty antibiotics were hanging now. I wanted so to stay with him that night, but Nick had school in the morning. I was very frightened.
I wrote on my Facebook notes about it, but also about faith. At my job earlier that day I had an experience with faith, and it was faith that needed to carry us through again now.
With good news always comes bad it seems...
by Kathleen Quinn-Farber on Thursday, December 16, 2010 at 7:32pm
The bad news is that he is now "septic" which means whatever infections he has, have gone to the bloodstream causing a bodywide infection, and this is life threatening. It is the reason he keeps running high temps, has a high heartrate and respirations, and very low blood pressure. The meds they are giving him for the blood pressure to keep it up are necessary or he would have none. Sepsis can attack your organs and shut them down. This worries me cuz his urine has turned to what looks like orange juice and has dark mucus in it. I'm afraid his kidneys may shut down, a problem he does not need, as well as weaken his heart among other things. They are giving all sorts of antibiotics and doing anything they can. So please dont stop your prayers...they are still needed greatly. I am so greatful for the help and support, prayers, and acts of kindness we are recieving from those around us, esp my wonderful friend Barb, Bayada Nurses and Hope's Collision and towing. The drs and nurses are still sounding confident that he can beat it all.
I wanted to share something that happened last night at work. The baby who I care for's mom, was opening her Christmas cards, and read a touching poem someone had sent her. We were all misty. Then she read something someone else had sent her. It went like this...
When you come to the edge of all the light you know
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing one of two things will happen...
There will be something solid to stand on,
or you will be taught to fly......
This had us all in tears, and I started to think about what it really meant and how it applies to this situation we are going through. We really do need to have faith, because this is an unknown land we are walking through and no one knows the outcome. Ive been down a few days...maybe subconsciously coming to a point of trying to just ACCEPT that Danny could be the way he is for months or years. Its not a nice thought, but maybe a part of a sort of grieving process. IDK.
I thought about how much we must just have blind faith, in whatever we believe in, whether it be the traditional God of church, or just a supreme spirit of earth and the universe, kinda like Danny believes, and even I, have come to believe in more so. But one things for absolute sure...we need to have faith in it to bring us through, and as I thought about that I kinda resolved myself to keeping faith even stronger. Within a few minutes later, Danny's cousin Deanne called me with the wonderful news that Danny was opening his eyes and following commands. It felt so surreal and amazing, like an epiphany of some sort, or a spiritual awakening. I know that sounds silly, but Ive been having a few years now of questioning my faith and Gods existance as most people believe him to be. I respect everyones beliefs and have been ashamed at times to admit that i'm unsure of it all. But we all have one maker and powerful all-knowing guiding spirit, and that I never doubted....so it was just a neat experience, and im glad I was able to share it at the twin babies house, with a family who also has had their faith tested, but who never doubted it...(Thanx Mary...your poem and warm hug meant the world to me last night)
So, Im off to leave for home, and will back at the hospital after school tomorrow and Saturday. Then I may not get down til Wed or Thurs again due to work. And Danny would say, "Kath, you gotta keep going. Life goes on" But I dont wanna go on with it without him, and I have faith that I wont have to.....Thankyou all again for your thousands of prayers. I love you all.
Facebook on December 17, 2010 at 12:54am
When I called the ICU early next morning, I found out once again what faith can do....
