A rental house Danny and his mom were "sure to get" for next week, fell through yesterday. It sounded to us like the landlady didn't want to rent to them due to his disability...a lot of stupid reasons/excuses. Welcome to the world of discrimination. But perhaps that was for the best. It was next door to one of Danny's mom's old guy friends, who drinks a lot and can be a charecter, although a nice person. I don't think Danny getting involved with someone with those activities would be such a great idea anyway. So they are looking at another apartment tomorrow (Friday). Danny would like to put off this step indefinately and work on buying a car instead, but his thinking is delusional about that. He has no license, and has somewhat of a big process in the way of getting one. Things are getting tense at his sister's house as well, and this can't be put off too very long.
Meanwhile, Dr. Diorio (Danny's neuropsychologist) continues to STRONGLY reccommend the brain injury rehab (ReMed) and will be having a phone conference with them most likely next week after the admissions committee reviews Danny's files again on Monday. He really needs to get accepted and I know the docter is going to push as hard as possible for it. Then we need to hope Danny agrees to go there. He was all for it, but now he seems to think it's a place to "put him away"...some sort of mental hospital. And he continues insisting there is really nothing at all wrong with him. My heavens how far from the truth.
It feels like I have him here with me more than not. He stays 2 nights at a time lately with just two nights in between. I don't really mind it, but it does concern me a tad. He talks about just being able to "come home" and that breaks my heart, but I can't go back. It would only result in more crisis all over again after some time, and would do nothing to get him healed. This is so hard.
Good news is I am returning to work at my pediatric nursing job...three nights a week, which will help me tremendously to get back into the groove. I havn't worked since June, and I miss it, although I do admit enjoying some time off. I'm quite certain I would not have been able to go through all the ordeals with Danny for NEAR as long had I been working.
I keep having faith, and thinking about my future goals...just kinda small things....small things that are really big in actuality. Spending much more quality time with my kids, possibly furthering my education, writing more...maybe publishing my poetry, stories and even writing a children's book, and starting a little account to add to bit by bit so that I can in maybe two years take my trip to Ireland that I've dreamed of since I was a little girl. My life can be what I want it to be, and I am too old to keep waiting and "putting off". Danny can be part of things in my life, or he can choose not to, but it's time to live again, and because he seems to have given up on living and trying, does not mean I can. So I continue to pray for us both...together...apart...where ever the roads lead us...
