Thursday, December 30, 2010


On Thursday morning I was back to rehab early. They decided to stop running continuous feeds an opted for bolus feeds to be given several times per day. This meant the head of the bed didn't need to be up at 45 degrees all the time but could be flat, safer and more comfortable for Danny. The side rails were padded now as well. Danny was tossing and turning even more, turning all the way around in a circle and rolling, getting up on his elbows and trying to bring his knees under him. A feed tube continually attached would have been impossible. I met Harold, a huge, strapping fellow who was Danny's aide that day. He would prove to be one of my best inspirations for hope. He had loads of experience in the medical field and with brain injury patients. He told me ahead of time what phases I might see, physically and mentally, and gave me encouragement. He and I had our hands full for sure. Without a male aide there I don't think I could have controlled Danny myself.
In PT Danny was stood up at the parallel bars over and over. His body slumped and he wouldn't hold his head up. Loudly they would repeat his name and tell him to hold up his head. He would for a few seconds, then it would go down. The periods of standing were only for a few moments. When they would try to back him out in the wheelchair from between the bars, he would grab and hold on to the right bar with his hand and stubbornly refuse to let go. 
In the afternoon session they took him to the bars again and stood him up. That was the goal for now...increased toleration of standing. Suddenly though, his right foot moved forward and he took a step!! I was beside myself and the therapists were praising him. It was difficult for him to move the left foot, so the therapist pushed at his heel with her foot to help it along, and then he stepped again with the right foot. It was amazing to be able to witness his first steps. I felt such love and my heart just swelled with pride knowing he was pushing himself. He was near dozing much of the time and tired easily, but Danny had drive...and where it once was an extreme stubbornness driving his OCD, I suspected somehow that the same overwhelming stubbornness would perhaps be the power that could pull him through this as well.

Danny was rarin 2 go 2day, stood 8x, took sum STEPS w/help!!!!!!! No more continuous feed so head of bed can b flatter n more comfy 4 him-bolus feeds now. Will let trach close soon. Still wiry in bed n gettin on his belly n on elbows, n knees too almost! Thank God for 1 to 1 supervision he's getting. 
Facebook on December 30, 2010 at 5:24pm

awake since 4am with my mind racing. gotta pack up and get to tamaqua to work a 12 today. praying the new year brings good things for everyone. wont see Danny today n maybe not tomorrow, but i saw his fighting spirit yesterday n that gives me hope. I LOVE YOU SWEETHEART!!


Today danny goes 2 Good Shepherd! I spoke with his trauma dr who now says danny has a good chance of significant recovery, and is medically stable, breathing on his own etc. And the nurse liason at rehab says things look good n will help me through the process of obtaining equipement he will need for coming home.

12:30am...turning in now. Played some games with Nick and talked with Barb and had some fun and laughs. Up early tomorrow to stop at Walmart to pick up a few easy-fitting clothes for Danny to add to what his family got tonight, then off to the rehab to tour and meet his therapy team, and of course give him a big fat kiss cuz its been since Christmas that I saw him...

WHEN DANNY WAS RESTLESS LAST NIGHT THE NURSE ASKED HIM IF HE HAD PAIN AND HE SAID NO!!!! granted it was a cross btwn a rasp and a whisper, but he spoke!

All day @ rehab w/Danny. The ppl R fabulous! He got sum rest n he's still extremely wirey when awake. Trach is capped, O2 sats R high breathing thru his nose, and I helped w/ his physical therapy. He STOOD UP w/ coaxing n of course help!!  I couldve sat there all night n just looked at him. I learned info on help 4 when comes home, n turns out Bayada Nurses, my employer, is involved w/options 4 home help/care thru the state!

Danny went to Good Shepherd on Tuesday, 25 days after the accident. I couldn't get there until Wednesday, and I was awestruck from the first moment. I was welcomed, made comfortable, provided with literature in a notebook, phone number lists, introductions to staff, offered counseling with care management if needed, and told to help myself to coffee or snacks in the cafeteria on the brain injury unit any time I wanted. They stressed strongly how important it was for me as Danny's significant other, to participate in his therapies and rehabilitation. They welcomed me to be around day or night and support him as much as I could. I was more than happy. Danny had an aide in the room with him at all times. They were friendly and worked quietly at the bedside on their computer documentation while he slept, and they were on the ball keeping him safe when he was awake. There were no restraints used at Good Shepherd, so Danny was a free-wheeling flurry of activity. He continued the movements he had done in ICC, but stopped bringing his legs up into the air. Instead he rolled tirelessly from side to side, back and forth, and reached and grabbed side rails trying to pull himself up. When he rolled to the side he did so swiftly and with force. Whom ever's side he rolled toward, the aide's or mine, we had to brace against him for ten seconds or so until he relaxed from pushing...then on he went to the other side. It was ceaseless unless he was asleep. I was worn out and hurting by the end of the day. I got a break to go meet with the care manager Susan, and was filled in on lots of information. She asked all sorts of questions, about our family, but our home mostly and went over what handicap appliances or services might be needed at discharge time. She got paperwork established for state waiver programs that might pay for things medicaid may not.
Danny had physical therapy while I was there. I was so impressed. This little feather of a woman about my age, Tracy, came in, sat him right up and transferred him to the wheelchair, but not before telling him over and over to "STAND!"...and he did!! It was brief, but he did it.
In the wheelchair he had no ability what so ever to support his own trunk. There was a seat belt, but also a strap around his chest and under his arms. He kept scooting forward in the seat, even though it was a tilt-back chair...and they kept boosting him back. He moved his legs side to side without resting, putting them almost out over the armrests. He flailed his arms. He slumped forward against the chest strap. I could hear his heavy puffing coming through around the trach stoma. He didn't say anything or make noise. He just had a panicked expression, which alternated with a blank stare. After being wheeled into the gym, he was transferred onto a padded bench to attempt to sit upright. He was not able. His chest came to rest on his upper legs and his arms hung limply with his knuckles almost to the floor. They said "Danny, sit up! Sit up straight and tall" He suddenly would make a spastic movement upwards, uncontrolled in any way, much like a young baby who is learning to control his head and neck. And then down he went again. The session was short...all of fifteen minutes. Thats what they would be doing. Short sessions in order not to tire him or lose his attention.
This constant movement while in the chair and bed would continue for days...weeks really, but in a lessened degree and in different forms. His sleep cycle became reversed though after a day or so, which presented a problem to therapists trying to work with him and needed him alert as possible. Often I sat for hours while they could not wake him for therapies, so they stretched him in bed even if he was sleeping. Good Shepherd's staff was full of love and patience, but also determination. It was easy to go home feeling comfortable with the genuine love and care he was receiving.

up early for a change. Gonna look up some info on the computer and then get ready to spend the day at the rehab again. Its so exciting to see the work they do at Good Shepherd!!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010


Oh how i wish i hadnt started this project! Danny you need to be here to tell me what all these spliced wires with totally too much tape wrapped around contraptions are. Omg! And all these gadgets. Babe you can manage to drive me nuts even from the hospital! God i love you for always making me smile lol!

OCD...for Danny it was and is a torturous disorder. Over the past 2 years I had lost count of the items in the house...electrical things, vacuum cleaner, electronics, car parts...that he started off well with fixing, but then could not stop perfecting, adjusting and redoing until the project was a shambles and needing to be thrown away. Thank heavens for my sense of humor and patience. Others in the house usually were angered by these antics, but I approached with the attitude of "how important is it?" LOL... I used to imagine all of it like it was a scene from a situation comedy, Everybody Loves Raymond being my favorite. One habit I had little patience with though, was that he was ALWAYS late. We had alot of appointments with his psych dr and therapist, and he never could get outta the bathroom. He'd be involved in a tedious oral hygiene regimen, or decide to detail his hair, even recut it at times...and picking out clothes, getting dressed and wrinkle-free took forever too. I'd be out in the car beeping, in and out of the house yelling for him. AARRGGGGHHH!!!!!  Getting him out of a store was a nightmare too...smelling all the scents of fabric softeners, shampoos or colognes...or reading labels. God I loved him to death, but I came close to killing him alot.
Cleaning my bedroom I came across several "gadgets" he had been working on, consisting of wires and plugs and I don't know what!! Things that a twirl or two of electrical  tape would have sufficed holding...wrapped over and over until they were three times their size. Seeing those things and holding them in my hands made me miss him terribly...even made me miss those ridiculous behaviors.
He was a quirky piece of work for sure...but MAN did I love him!!

Monday, December 27, 2010


Concerned abt dannys decreased alertness/responsiveness past 2 days. Just talked 2 nurse n requested trauma dr reassess, which they did STAT. Dr called 2 say he is waxing n waning mentally, could depend on when hes given meds, n theres no way 2 know if he will ever come further than this. Trying 2 stay calm n positive.
Teresa Tree Prayers ♥
December 26, 2010 at 2:57pm · LikeUnlike

Joan Mermon Polk Think positive, will say a Prayer for him.
December 26, 2010 at 3:07pm ·

Barbara Christman If you need me let me know. You know my prayers are there for u and Danny. Stay positive.ILY
December 26, 2010 at 3:21pm 

Kathleen Quinn-Farber Barb when this snow clears tomorrow i think nick n i will be down. With wyatt getting surgery it looks like no work all week and of course no school. I wanna think of as many sense stimulating things i can do for him like that researcher mentioned. Music, tastes, scents, sensations. I feel like he is stuck in some sort of deep well and ive got to pull him through. Ill do anything it takes.
December 26, 2010 at 3:34pm

The day after Christmas the neuro team evaluated him at my request. Yes, he had regressed a bit, but this was considered normal as one emerges from a coma. The doctor said he was "waxing and waning" and unfortunately there was no way to know if he was going to stop progressing at ANY of the phases he was going through and just stall there indefinitely or for good. The "wait n see" phrase again. He did start back up on some of his bi-polar, depression and anxiety meds from home, so hopefully this was just a side effect as he adjusted.
I also was up and down all the time, feeling very positive one moment, then scared as hell or depressed the next. I had started to try cleaning the house numerous times, but became overwhelmed and tired. I found myself crying often for no immediate reason. 
I had done some more extensive research again on coma and brain injury recovery, and resolved to try any and all things I could to stimulate his senses, and I began sneaking a dum-dum lollipop of a different flavor in for him to taste each time I visited. I also bought some scents that he enjoyed and held them under his nose, and placed very cold or very hot wet washcloths against his skin. He sucked eagerly on the pops when I put them in his mouth, and a few times stubbornly bit down on them to prevent me from taking them away. And when I put the scents to his nose he raised his eyebrows and looked at me with a half smile. It was one of the first times I could see in his eyes that he was "in there"!! He even took to winking at me sometimes :-)
With the encouraging news that Danny was evaluated for and would be accepted into Good Shepherd rehab, I got a positive energy flow and decided to tackle the bedroom I couldn't seem to get to. It was in the same disarray it had been left in the night of the accident, me looking at it almost as some sort of weird "shrine"...but Danny was getting better, and it was time to move forward on our journey again...

So tired still n woke with a massive headache. My housework is so behind n my mind feels all hazy. I dont know where to start but gotta start somewhere. Wonder how dannys doing this morning.

Ha ha danny. What i wouldnt give 2 have u barging into my shower unannounced, telling me im overcooking the noodles, interrupting me with your opinion when im trying to talk, or to see you sitting at the kitchen table completely destroying a piece of electronic equipment in an effort to fix it to perfection. I miss u so much u crazy quirky piece of work! Please come back to us :-(

Danny was evaluated today and will be moving to Good Sheperd rehab hospital tomorrow. Im making calls now to find out more info abt visiting, family participation, and the program itself. This is a positive step out of critical care, but also frightening as well. I feel anxious, happy, afraid. Another step along on this journey where we arent sure of a destination.

This is awful but its been 24 days since the accident n dannys clothes he changed from r still on the floor where he dropped them, his toiletries where he left them a mess on his dresser. I havnt touched a thing but 2 wear his pjs. I havnt changed the sheets either. Its time 2 tidy up but its hard, like im waitin 4 him 2 walk in n say Ill help u hun n then we can cuddle the rest of the nite. :-(

Saturday, December 25, 2010


Its after midnight n im up attempting to clean and do wash. I guess 19 nights wearing dannys pajama pants means they are due for a cleaning. Im so exhausted no matter how much i sleep, so i may as well do something physical and be tired anyway. Nite nite honey. I pray you are resting quietly tonight. Ily
Facebook on December 23, 2010 at 12:16am

Ive decided 2 go back 2 accident nite n print all my entries, statuses, notes, comments from friends n loved , and  chronicle it with all the details, memories n progress. Danny will 1 day want 2 go back n know all of it, cuz, well thats just how he is. As the woman who loves him so much, i need 2 do this, 4 him, but also for myself n his family. We are on a journey together w/danny, n it will never be forgotten.
Facebook on December 23, 2010 at 1:20am 

Judy Peletsky A journey it has been ,with a long road to travel yet but it will make us a lot stronger when get to the end of the tunnel .We all need to stick together and make it an easier road for Danny .We will all be needed as we go on this journey.
December 23, 2010 at 7:44am

My visit with danny tonight was sweet. He hugged and held me. He even kissed me 3 times the stinker, and he slipped me his tongue! Lol. Oh well. It was a great 3hrs for me n he both. 

I wish you were shopping in walmart with me baby. I feel so alone. We were gonna have such fun doing this together this year :-(

Done any shopping I can do, visited with Danny and now back home to Tamaqua. Christmas eve will be bitter-sweet w/o Danny home, but the boys and I will visit him tomorrow. Merry Christmas baby. I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Carol Terry Merry Christmas! Danny looks good in the pics-hope he is home soon!
December 24, 2010 at 5:21pm 

Stacy Derr- Walker Yes he does look good. Things are moving along for him. He is a fighter.......he is fighting for you all :)
December 24, 2010 at 5:48pm

Denise Marie Startzel Kathleen, where is he at? I hope close for you.
December 24, 2010 at 9:37pm 

Kathleen Quinn-Farber Hes at st lukes in beth. Its an hour drive. Ive been with him every day but 4 outta the past 22. Alotta driving, but thankfully my best friend lives 25 min from the hosp and i can stay there often. No distance is to far to go, i just hope my car holds up cuz its acting up worse n worse :-)
December 25, 2010 at 9:48am 

Denise Marie Startzel Danny is in my prayers. I don't know what to say about your car. My engine blew up on Friday. The silver lining in trouble is that you see who your REAL friend are because they step up to help and be there.
December 25, 2010 at 9:58am 

Kathleen Quinn-Farber That is so true denise.  Im so proud of my son chris and how he has stepped up during this whole thing.
December 25, 2010 at 10:53am 

Denise Marie Startzel Focus on the positive and try to enjoy your Christmas with Danny and your family! Next Christmas will be definitely better for your family because he'll be home with you.
December 25, 2010 at 11:00am 

Kathleen Quinn-Farber Thanx. This will be remembered as a bitter sweet one. It has been awful going thru this near the holidays, but my best gift is danny waking up and knowing i still have him. The months to come wont be easy. I feel the brain injury recovery will be a hard slow process.
December 25, 2010 at 11:07am

kathy u look relaxed and happy.have a merry xmas. December 24, 2010 at 6:47pm ·

Kathleen Quinn-Farber Well, being able to somehow communicate best i can with danny, let alone almost losing him forever...well im pretty darn happy considering. I have to keep the faith that he will return to who he was.
December 24, 2010 at 7:31pm

Merry christmas to all. I love the mom locket my sons gave me with their pics inside. To see danny this eve. Chris is having nick open one of his gifts there cuz danny was so looking forward to today with him!

Almost 3pm. Not feeling great. So exhausted. Have to get showers and get moving. Noone is motivated. My car is going down i think and its scaring me. No car no getting 2 work or 2 danny. 2days 1 of those weird days danny n i would jus cuddle on the sofa all day, relax n 4get the world.

Me n the boys visit was nice. He seemed pretty drowzy n not as alert as past 2 days, but he started his meds from home today n that cud b y. Its possible within the week he may go 2 good shepherd 2 begin rehab!! He reached 4 chris hand several times, watched nick open a gift, and held tightly n wouldn let go of the father/son teddybear from nick.

Christmas was a bitter-sweet mixture of sadness and joy. Financially it was awful, as I had only worked a few days all month. Bills were behind. Chris told me to forget about himself and everyone else and just make it as good as I could for Nick. My employer had generously sent me a check from a collection my fellow nurses at work took for me, and if not for that there would be no gifts for Nick. Chris got us a live tree and he and my daughter and her bf put it up and decorated just a bit. It was touching to come home from the hospital so weary that night, pull up out front seeing lights in the window and a tree standing tall inside.
Christmas morning was a happy time and one that made me appreciate life and family. Chris gave me a beautiful locket necklace with his and Nick's pictures inside.
I was very fatigued by this point and it wasn't easy to shower and get ready to go to the hospital. Myself and the boys went down. Danny was much more drowsy than he had been in previous days and it alarmed me somewhat. He looked now and then as I opened his gifts for him, and he watched Nick open one of his that we saved from the morning. Nick had picked out as his gift for Danny a teddy bear holding a small teddy in its arms. Danny clutched tight to the bear, and reached toward Chris a few times. He just seemed to be declined since the previous day and so I resolved to call the unit and doctor first thing in the morning...

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Dannys on a different floor, a stepdown floor. He may get his therapies there. His eyes are open alot of the day. Stricter visiting hours. Gotta get there tomorrow. I miss him so much and cant wait to see him even more alert! IlyD

THE VENTILATER IS OUT! Ill be down to see you abt 9am tomorrow baby. I cant wait to see you. Its like a christmas present every time I do!

Danny is wide awake and wow do these nurses have their hands full with him! His legs are all over, he works himself to the bottom of the bed every 10 min. He wants outta here!

On Monday they moved Danny to a "step-down" floor, intermediate critical care. He was becoming so wiry and was a non-stop flow of motion. The catheter was out and the ventilator removed for increasing periods of time. He was given oxygen through a trach collar when the vent was off, but his saturations dropped often when he would start coughing. They still suctioned him a lot, through the trach, and when he coughed, copious amounts of mucus flowed from it. I was forever wiping it away. A couple of days earlier they had to begin keeping his wrists tied down due to the risk of him yanking tubes and so forth out. He was tied again now, plus had big white mitts on his hands. This was heartbreaking in a way, because I knew he couldn't understand why he was being held from moving his hands, as well as having a thick fabric strap around his trunk and tied on each side under the bed rail, but  one of the nurses assured me he would have no memory of any of this despite him appearing to be wide awake.
The constant movement made him unable to be left for longer than 15 or so minutes without staff coming in to pull him up in bed. He squirmed constantly, and wriggled himself down to the bottom of the bed over and over, all day long. It was relentless. He was much too powerful for the tied restraints to do much good. I stayed by his side for hours, placing my arm around his one bent knee in an effort to prevent him shifting downward. I had to brace my body against the bed with terrific force, and my back, neck and legs began to ache. The most disturbing thing about this phase was that his body positioning became much like that of an infant. His legs were always up in the air and bent in the same way a baby lies on the floor for a diaper change. I was embarrassed for him, knowing he would be just completely mortified if he were aware of this behavior. I attempted to protect his privacy at all times while I was with him, a never-ending cycle of trying to prevent the shift downward in bed, constantly drawing the sheet or blanket up over his knees and legs as he persistently kicked them off, and rushing out to get staff to come boost him when he made it to the bottom. He had no type of brief on at times because in all honesty he wiggled too much for one to stay attached. I noticed his butt was getting a tad red also. I took few breaks while there, usually getting a drink or snack only when staff came in to clean him up or check on things. He was sooo awake and looking all around all the time, but he had the very definite look of, as they say, "being home but the lights aren't on". He favored looking to the right most of the time so I tried to stay on that side more. His eyes would scan across the room, stop and rest for just a split second on me,  and then would continue moving past. He didn't look me in the eye but for once in a great while, But when I entered the room he always looked at me and I could see recognition, as with other family members as well. On Wednesday he nodded "yes" and "no" to some questions, reached for my hand and squeezed it, pulled me down to him to hug me, and kissed me back when I kissed his lips. I talked to him and asked him things. The perpetual movement continued and staff was in often trying to figure out how to position him better. They discussed different beds and chairs, but no change was made because it just didn't seem safe to use other options. Several times he was nearly hanging out of the bed by his arms. At home I worried constantly about his safety although I knew the staff was doing all they could to keep him safe.
Wednesday his butt was very, very sore and rashed, and the catheter was put back in, which caused one more dilemma as he moved about and it got tugged and caught on everything, including his own feet. The feeding, which was continuously running, also presented a problem, the feed line getting caught, pinched and pulled. He was sent to x-ray to check it's placement due to leakage around the feeding site stoma on his belly. He was sent down to surgery as well, initially to get his jaw wired, but they then opted for bolts in his upper and lower jaw with heavy rubber-bands, apparently because he had a drop in BP during the procedure. The nurse explained to me that the Aspen collar would be enough in addition to what they did to his jaw, to hold it steady. 
The doctor asked that I bring his previous medications along on Thursday so that they could get him restarted and hopefully calm his anxiety and restlessness somewhat. Each day I returned home sore and exhausted. I remembered Dr. Hoy saying it would be like this...

Today nick is 9! I now have 2 most special christmas seasons in my life. 2001 when i was given my precious baby boy, and 2010 when i nearly lost the love of my life but his life was spared and he was given back to us.

So tired. Need sleep. To see danny again tomorrow and hopefully he will have calmed down some. 

Danny was sent to xray 2 check placement of his feeding tube since it seems to be leaking stomach contents? His butt is sore so the catheter is going back in 4 now, and he was tolerating the vent off w/jus o2 since 830am. Still as full of anxiety n movement as yest.

Home from the hospital. Danny was as wirey as ever but looks good. Hes alert but i really think hes kinda jus living in the present with no real recall of past or conception of the future. I know there is memory present tho abt lots of things. Very hard to understand or explain. Hes in surgery now. I hope he does ok with his jaw wiring. Ily Danny
Deanne Peletsky Colna Kath apparently they didn't get to wire his jaw .... his BP went too low so they put bands in.
December 22, 2010 at 8:43pm 

Kathleen Quinn-Farber
I just talked to the nurse. She didnt mention anything abt his bp. She said the surgeon opted for 2 screw type things on top and 2 on bottom, because the collar is holding him steady enough in conjunction with the rubber bands holding the jaw in alignment. They were able to do it in preferance over wiring jaw shut. Anyway, his vs are all wonderful now and he is off the vent again and staying in high 90s. I have to take his meds down tomorrow so that he can start them again. 
December 22, 2010 at 9:16pm
Stacy Derr- Walker does he communicate w u...i mean as good as he can? sounds like he is progressing.
December 22, 2010 at 10:58pm 

Kathleen Quinn-Farber
He is nodding yes n no to questions, following directions, giving ok sign n thumbs ups. I tested his very short term memory and thats there, like for stuff in same day, and he knows who i am and his family. He remembers how we hold hands, he hugs me. Until he can talk we wont know too much more. I pray he doesnt lose his gift of gab cuz that would kill him. Right now he is just perpetually moving all over and i do fear he often has that look like the lights are on but nobodys home. He is still considered in the normal phases of coming out of the coma tho. Jus keep praying stace 
December 22, 2010 at 11:16pm
Stacy Derr- Walker will do kath. this whole story is amazing on how he is coming thru. it will all be ok. cud the meds b making him seem like he is zoning? sounds like it may nt b long w the vent?? i will keep u all in my thoughts n prayers. hang in there. hugs!
December 22, 2010 at 11:22pm 

Kathleen Quinn-Farber They are weaning him longer n longer off the vent. He still gets oxygen thru the trach collar when the vent is off. He really does good with it off, jus that he is still coughing stuff up and that drops his saturation level. And the reason they want to get him back on all his anxiety etc meds is cuz they believe those will help him calm down and stuff.
December 22, 2010 at 11:29pm

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Its Not My Time....

I have a musician friend who was in a horrible wreck a couple years back, and wasn't expected to pull through. He had MANY more physical injuries, and also a milder brain injury. He recommended Good Shepherd Rehab to me when I told him about Danny. The rehab there worked miracles with him and he is now back on stage playing.
He had a song that he loved that kinda became a sort of "theme song", and became so with me also, because there were just so many similarities between Danny and the message the lyricist was conveying. The video only adds even more depth and meaning to the song....
click the link, watch n listen...

To Dannys HAVE to watch this video and pay close attention to the video as well as the words. The guy in this video has a premonition, just like I was telling yous Danny always did abt hearing the glass and metal crunch and feeling the blow to his head. Also in the words, its just awesome and fits to a T. "Its not my time. I got a will in me" and "Maybe theres more than you believe." Maybe theres more than Danny believes there is...

Its Not My Time
Facebook on Sunday, December 19, 2010 at 2:30pm

Looking back at the beginning of this
And how life was
Just you and me and love and all of our friends
Living life like an ocean
Now the current's slowly pulling me down
It's getting harder to breathe
It won't be too long and I'll be going under
Can you save me from this?

'Cause it's not my time,
I'm not going
There's a fear in me
It's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Oh, I won't go

I look ahead to all the plans that we made
And the dreams that we had
I'm in a world that tries to take 'em away
Oh, but I'm taking them back
'Cause all this time I've just been to blind to understand
What should matter to me
My friend, this life we live
Is not what we have, it's what we believe

And it's not my time
I'm not going
There's a fear in me
It's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
But It's not my time
I'm not going
There's a will in me
And now I know that
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Oh, but I won't go
I won't go

There might be more than you believe
(There might be more than you believe)
There might be more than you can see

But it's not my time
I'm not going
There's a fear in me
It's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
But it's not my time
I'm not going
There's a will in me
Now it's gonna show
This could be the end of me
And everything I know

There might be more than you believe
(There might be more than you believe)
There might be more than you can see

I won't go
I know I won't go down


Woke up with itchy stuffy nose, scratchy throat, n fever. Had to call in work so there goes my last pay before christmas n the worst part is i gotta stay away from danny now. I hope i can fight this off by tuesday or wed. :-( and i hope he knows im coming asap. IlyD

Sunday morning at Barb's I awoke with a cold. I had chills n fever and stuffiness. Was starting a cough too. I couldn't go to work because I was working with sick babies, and I couldn't go in to see Danny either. It would be torture staying away I knew...
I wrote a note on Facebook telling all about our wonderful Saturday and Danny's growing movements and activities...

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
-Author Unknown

by Kathleen Quinn-Farber on Sunday, December 19, 2010 at 12:37pm

Yesterday was a wonderful day, for myself, and for Danny. And for his family the past two days also. For three hrs we held hands and he tried every trick in the book to get his hand down to that catheter to yank it out. It was funny but inspiring cuz I could tell he was working toward a task he wanted to accomplish. Those sweet eyes opened alot, and showed emotion. We always hold hands this certain way, with our fingers intertwined, and Dannys have to be a certain way in mine for it to be comfortable for him...I guess one of his ocd things a bit. Well, He repeatedly spread his fingers to hold my hand that way, and twice I tried to change the order of our fingers, and he purposely moved his so they went the way we always do it. That told me alot. I put his glasses on and he reached up to his face in what I thought was a gesture to adjust them, but he looked like he was holding a fake spoon, and sure enough, he was holding his mouth open as if to wait for the food to go in. lol. And I let him feel all around his head, and then he frowned. I told him his head is ok, but he had a bad bump to it and has been asleep for 2 weeks. He then slowly made an "ok" sign with his hand. Its sad that his wrists must be restrained unless someone is holding his hands, but if they werent, within 5min that catheter, vent, IV, BP cuff.....EVERYTHING would be ripped out and thrown on the floor! haha. Twice when I stopped his hand from grabbing that stuff, he made a fist at me, and once gave me the middle finger I think. He never uses that gesture so that was weird. But tears rolled out a few times when I talked abt certain things. And they had him sitting outta bed in a chair even. He's on his way back to us. I am so happy, and so grateful for all the prayers continuing. The thought of losing him was a nightmare. I couldnt understand why after all these years of for true love, and he for someone who loved him enough to love ALL of him and his countless quirks...that we could be just snatched away from eachother. He has much to contemplate when he's feeling better...abt life, family bonds, the importance of making sure you dont stray off the right path.
I posted a picture that says "Sometimes letting go is the only way to know you are meant to hold on" I kinda came to that resolution several days ago when things looked darkest. I sorta "let go" in a way...I mean not really, and not that I wanted to, but I began to pray just for Gods will for Danny to be done, and not just what I and his family wanted. Thats when he perked up...and I knew we were meant to hold on...

Nancy Erdman Latsha
i have been praying for danny everyday since i found out and i will continue to pray for him :)
i have been in your shoes and i know how you feel when i read this it sounded so much like craig lol but thats good cuz you know he is fighting way back to you~~he aint giving up :) just rem to keep taking care of yourself also!! your kids and grandbaby needs you too :) if you need to talk,cry vent or anything just shoot me a line i will be hear to listen and a shoulder to lean on~~keep the faith sweetie he has come along way so far and will continue to do so :)
December 19, 2010 at 12:49pm 
Sarah Hottenstein that's sooo joyful to hear but yet in some sense sad too. kathy you are such a strong woman and you are blessed to sooo many blessings in your family. keep up the great work and keep both your spirits up and most of all keep believing. it's working i think for the both of you. we are all witnessing a miracle here and i love to hear the progress that he has made.
December 19, 2010 at 2:43pm ·

Kathleen Quinn-Farber thanx...yes it is a miracle. To me its all i will ever ask for the rest of my life i think. We all know tho, life just keeps up the curve balls, but I think ive dodged enough of them
December 19, 2010 at 2:47pm ·

Deanne Peletsky Colna The past few days have been wonderful. It is great just knowing he can hear us and is comprehending what we r saying! things r starting to look up ... day by day.
December 19, 2010 at 4:40pm 

Stacy Derr- Walker he is fighting to get home to you all too! this will make your lives even STRONGER then before! thanks for the updates Kath! believe!!!
December 19, 2010 at 6:10pm