April brought changes...increasing OCD symptoms, calmer behavior at times, small strides in memory improvement, and more professional help.
Before Danny's injury he was an impulsive spender, which was a symptom of his OCD, and this returned for a while. Walmart used to be a nightmare trip, with Danny spending copious amounts of time reading labels and comparing items and prices. I have in the past, before his injury, had to gently take him by the hand and lead him out of a store after waiting unbelievable amounts of time for him to complete a shopping task. In April, the few times I first ventured to take Danny into a store and out in public among crowds, it was of course Walmart, and good old OCD kicked in. One night we started out going looking for his "lost cars", but got side-tracked with visiting his aunt and uncle, and after that we ended up at Walmart. There we remained while he started piling all sorts of things into the cart, most of which neither of us needed or could afford. I convinced him to put most of it back, but he bought a bottle of expensive cologne that he liked, and a set of speakers for our rear dash in the car, which he installed in the parking lot at 1am. After that we started talking about our lack of privacy at home, and since Nick was away with his dad for the weekend, we decided it would be fun to get a motel room for the night so that we could have some time completely alone. We found a room and checked in....
Danny spent our time there looking for "our" fridge and the salad he had in it, and looking for the doors to our kitchen and bedroom. He was telling me every hour or so that "Kathy (me) is going to be so pissed off when she finds out we spent the night in a motel together..." He became very disoriented and I spent the night comforting him and "talking him down." Bad idea at this point I learned.
On the 7th of April we were finally cleared to remove the neck brace. He looked so different. As a result of the CT scan to determine that his neck vertebrae were healed, they picked up an enlargement of the right thyroid. This led to a battery of tests and more appointments, for blood work, MRI and thyroid re-uptake testing. He was found to have abnormal nodules growing on the right side, which turned out after biopsy to be non cancerous, but did show hypothyroidism, and he was subsequently put on yet another medication to adjust that.
In the second week of April we started making some small strides with memory. Here is my support site journal entry regarding that.....
In therapy we have been using techniques such as repeating over and over and over, information, and using tools to help "remind" him and make "connections" in order to help recall. This is going very slow but is working. Wednesday we were shown a new tool, where we have a sheet of paper with hour by hour entries, and Danny and I (preferably him) write down all events of the day....where we go, what he does, eats, visits, etc etc. Then we go back over it numerous times as we go along thru the day. Well we did it on Thursday and it went GREAT! He was able to remember what his dr said abt his neck being healed, instead of speculating abt what he said. He was able to recall details of what we bought to eat at a gas station, and many things. Today in therapy when Lisa went over the sheet he was STILL able to recall things, even details abt what the dr said abt his thyroid being enlarged, simply because he had written on the sheet that his dr must check is thyroid. So this is something very exciting for us right now. It is retraining his brain, learning to utilize techniques called "compensation", which are tools he can use to remember events. And eventually as memory improves, these tools will become less necessary. That is our goal. Wish us luck and plz continue sending prayers for Danny :-) Thankyou
..Mid month Danny's aggression was worsening. Car rides were becoming worse again, and a few times in an agitated state, Danny gave me a stab to the ribs with his knuckles. His moods seemed to be clustering into distinct modes, rather than a constant cloudy but even monotone of ups and downs. Throughout April his good moods were improving somewhat, but his bad moods were becoming more isolated and severe. One day on the way to therapy he started to really flip out, and I was pulled over while he was frenzied and trying to make the stereo work and had given me a rib jab. I called ahead to the rehab, crying, that I needed help...something more had to be done for Danny. When we arrived they had a neuropsychologist waiting for me to gather information and listen to my desperate plea for help. They had brain injury neuro psych specialists there, but our insurance wouldn't cover this expensive specialized treatment. I pleaded until they revealed the fact that they have "charity funding" for extreme cases, and I was given an application. I wanted the best that there was for Danny.
Danny's memory and mainly SELF-AWARENESS was improving a bit. He was starting to REALIZE he had been injured and that he had a brain injury, and that he was lost in a world of memory loss. I believe it was frightening him immensely, and perhaps feeding into his anger and agitation. Mid month a new psychiatrist from our own area adjusted some meds and I seemed to see improvement at times. Near the end of the month we were accepted for "charity care" and Danny was started with a brain injury neuropsychologist at the rehab. Dr. D. was and is GREAT!!!.....
During a particularly bad weekend mood wise, Danny's cousin Sherry and I think his sister Tara came to get him to give me a night off. They took him to eat and to visit his aunt and uncle. I used the time to spend with Nick for some quality time, and we went to the mall to play in the game room and get fresh soft pretzals. Danny called wanting us to come though, and we ended up going to Sherry's along with him for the rest of the weekend. I was seeing that he was very lost without me with him, and becoming overly dependent.
After the med adjustments, Danny ended April having many more good days clustered together at a time. I also was busy using time on my brain injury support site learning in particular how to diffuse agitated scenarios. "Ignore bad behavior". "dont feed into it" and "walk away" I practiced this when I could. It was extremely difficult but worked sometimes. I also tried to praise all his good behavior as well.
There were family issues too about mid way through the month. I knew (and know) Danny's immediate family had no way of realizing what we were really going through. Unfortunately its the same in most all families of the brain injured. Its not really their fault. But I DID resent their lack of even calling a few times a week to see how he was...especially considering the fact that they were doubtful about him coming back home with me after discharge and acting as though I could not give him the best care possible. I dont think to this day, that they realize the love for Danny that drives me to cope and persevere with him, and to believe that he can be better. I also know they are clueless as to what this is really like and all about.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
IMPULSIVITY and FILTERS
At the end of April over Easter weekend we had an experience in impulsivity and lack of filters....
As I said Danny's been calm and almost pleasant most of the time the past 2 weeks. We are at my best friend Barb's for Easter weekend. He helped Nick dye eggs last night just a little. Couldnt get him to really participate. He went back to bed. Well when Nick n I went in to bed, Danny is sittin there with a bottle of Robitussin DM that was on Barb's bedstand, readin it. He started askin me how much he should take n I was telling him none. He kept persisting. I tried to ignore. Nick n I got in bed. Well then he took the lid off n said he was gonna drink the whole bottle. I started to get outta bed saying I was gonna tell Barb then. He stands up and splashes/pours almost the whole bottle on Nick n I cuz he was mad and irritated that I wouldnt let him have the medicine and was gonna tell Barb. What a mess. Hadda wipe us off, change the sheets etc. He felt alittle bad and was in the bathroom with me trying to wipe off my neck n hair with a wet washcloth. It was so sticky and hard to get off. Nick didnt cry, but he had this awful sad and kinda mad expression and told me he is afraid Danny will "do something" to me. I tried to explain impulsivity with brain injury...how for example he might FEEL like dumping a glass of milk on his 4yr old niece when she pisses him off, but that our brains stop us and tell us its inappropriate, but the TBI person often loses that control or ability to judge what is correct to do. IDK. I wasnt expecting it. I wonder what today will hold...Still planning on a nice weekend and will deal calmly with whatever.
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