CHRISTMAS

Its after midnight n im up attempting to clean and do wash. I guess 19 nights wearing dannys pajama pants means they are due for a cleaning. Im so exhausted no matter how much i sleep, so i may as well do something physical and be tired anyway. Nite nite honey. I pray you are resting quietly tonight. IlyFacebook on December 23, 2010 at 12:16am

Ive decided 2 go back 2 accident nite n print all my entries, statuses, notes, comments from friends n loved , and  chronicle it with all the details, memories n progress. Danny will 1 day want 2 go back n know all of it, cuz, well thats just how he is. As the woman who loves him so much, i need 2 do this, 4 him, but also for myself n his family. We are on a journey together w/danny, n it will never be forgotten.Facebook on December 23, 2010 at 1:20am 

Judy Peletsky A journey it has been ,with a long road to travel yet but it will make us a lot stronger when get to the end of the tunnel .We all need to stick together and make it an easier road for Danny .We will all be needed as we go on this journey.

December 23, 2010 at 7:44am

My visit with danny tonight was sweet. He hugged and held me. He even kissed me 3 times the stinker, and he slipped me his tongue! Lol. Oh well. It was a great 3hrs for me n he both. 

Facebook on December 23, 2010 at 10:29pm

I wish you were shopping in walmart with me baby. I feel so alone. We were gonna have such fun doing this together this year :-(

Facebook on December 24, 2010 at 12:17am

Done any shopping I can do, visited with Danny and now back home to Tamaqua. Christmas eve will be bitter-sweet w/o Danny home, but the boys and I will visit him tomorrow. Merry Christmas baby. I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Facebook on December 24, 2010 at 5:07pm 

Carol Terry Merry Christmas! Danny looks good in the pics-hope he is home soon!

December 24, 2010 at 5:21pm 

Stacy Derr- Walker Yes he does look good. Things are moving along for him. He is a fighter.......he is fighting for you all :)

December 24, 2010 at 5:48pm

Denise Marie Startzel Kathleen, where is he at? I hope close for you.

December 24, 2010 at 9:37pm 

Kathleen Quinn-Farber Hes at st lukes in beth. Its an hour drive. Ive been with him every day but 4 outta the past 22. Alotta driving, but thankfully my best friend lives 25 min from the hosp and i can stay there often. No distance is to far to go, i just hope my car holds up cuz its acting up worse n worse :-)

December 25, 2010 at 9:48am 

Denise Marie Startzel Danny is in my prayers. I don't know what to say about your car. My engine blew up on Friday. The silver lining in trouble is that you see who your REAL friend are because they step up to help and be there.

December 25, 2010 at 9:58am 

Kathleen Quinn-Farber That is so true denise.  Im so proud of my son chris and how he has stepped up during this whole thing.

December 25, 2010 at 10:53am 

Denise Marie Startzel Focus on the positive and try to enjoy your Christmas with Danny and your family! Next Christmas will be definitely better for your family because he'll be home with you.

December 25, 2010 at 11:00am 

Kathleen Quinn-Farber Thanx. This will be remembered as a bitter sweet one. It has been awful going thru this near the holidays, but my best gift is danny waking up and knowing i still have him. The months to come wont be easy. I feel the brain injury recovery will be a hard slow process.

December 25, 2010 at 11:07am

Stacy Runkle-Reed

kathy u look relaxed and happy.have a merry xmas. December 24, 2010 at 6:47pm ·

Kathleen Quinn-Farber Well, being able to somehow communicate best i can with danny, let alone almost losing him forever...well im pretty darn happy considering. I have to keep the faith that he will return to who he was.

December 24, 2010 at 7:31pm

Merry christmas to all. I love the mom locket my sons gave me with their pics inside. To see danny this eve. Chris is having nick open one of his gifts there cuz danny was so looking forward to today with him!

Facebook on December 25, 2010 at 9:34am

Almost 3pm. Not feeling great. So exhausted. Have to get showers and get moving. Noone is motivated. My car is going down i think and its scaring me. No car no getting 2 work or 2 danny. 2days 1 of those weird days danny n i would jus cuddle on the sofa all day, relax n 4get the world.

Facebook on December 25, 2010 at 2:42pm

Me n the boys visit was nice. He seemed pretty drowzy n not as alert as past 2 days, but he started his meds from home today n that cud b y. Its possible within the week he may go 2 good shepherd 2 begin rehab!! He reached 4 chris hand several times, watched nick open a gift, and held tightly n wouldn let go of the father/son teddybear from nick.

Facebook on December 25, 2010 at 10:36pm

Christmas was a bitter-sweet mixture of sadness and joy. Financially it was awful, as I had only worked a few days all month. Bills were behind. Chris told me to forget about himself and everyone else and just make it as good as I could for Nick. My employer had generously sent me a check from a collection my fellow nurses at work took for me, and if not for that there would be no gifts for Nick. Chris got us a live tree and he and my daughter and her bf put it up and decorated just a bit. It was touching to come home from the hospital so weary that night, pull up out front seeing lights in the window and a tree standing tall inside.

Christmas morning was a happy time and one that made me appreciate life and family. Chris gave me a beautiful locket necklace with his and Nick's pictures inside.

I was very fatigued by this point and it wasn't easy to shower and get ready to go to the hospital. Myself and the boys went down. Danny was much more drowsy than he had been in previous days and it alarmed me somewhat. He looked now and then as I opened his gifts for him, and he watched Nick open one of his that we saved from the morning. Nick had picked out as his gift for Danny a teddy bear holding a small teddy in its arms. Danny clutched tight to the bear, and reached toward Chris a few times. He just seemed to be declined since the previous day and so I resolved to call the unit and doctor first thing in the morning...

PERPETUAL MOVEMENT

Dannys on a different floor, a stepdown floor. He may get his therapies there. His eyes are open alot of the day. Stricter visiting hours. Gotta get there tomorrow. I miss him so much and cant wait to see him even more alert! IlyD

Facebook on December 20, 2010 at 6:58pm

THE VENTILATER IS OUT! Ill be down to see you abt 9am tomorrow baby. I cant wait to see you. Its like a christmas present every time I do!

Facebook on December 20, 2010 at 10:46pm

Danny is wide awake and wow do these nurses have their hands full with him! His legs are all over, he works himself to the bottom of the bed every 10 min. He wants outta here!

Facebook on December 21, 2010 at 12:47pm

On Monday they moved Danny to a "step-down" floor, intermediate critical care. He was becoming so wiry and was a non-stop flow of motion. The catheter was out and the ventilator removed for increasing periods of time. He was given oxygen through a trach collar when the vent was off, but his saturations dropped often when he would start coughing. They still suctioned him a lot, through the trach, and when he coughed, copious amounts of mucus flowed from it. I was forever wiping it away. A couple of days earlier they had to begin keeping his wrists tied down due to the risk of him yanking tubes and so forth out. He was tied again now, plus had big white mitts on his hands. This was heartbreaking in a way, because I knew he couldn't understand why he was being held from moving his hands, as well as having a thick fabric strap around his trunk and tied on each side under the bed rail, but  one of the nurses assured me he would have no memory of any of this despite him appearing to be wide awake.

The constant movement made him unable to be left for longer than 15 or so minutes without staff coming in to pull him up in bed. He squirmed constantly, and wriggled himself down to the bottom of the bed over and over, all day long. It was relentless. He was much too powerful for the tied restraints to do much good. I stayed by his side for hours, placing my arm around his one bent knee in an effort to prevent him shifting downward. I had to brace my body against the bed with terrific force, and my back, neck and legs began to ache. The most disturbing thing about this phase was that his body positioning became much like that of an infant. His legs were always up in the air and bent in the same way a baby lies on the floor for a diaper change. I was embarrassed for him, knowing he would be just completely mortified if he were aware of this behavior. I attempted to protect his privacy at all times while I was with him, a never-ending cycle of trying to prevent the shift downward in bed, constantly drawing the sheet or blanket up over his knees and legs as he persistently kicked them off, and rushing out to get staff to come boost him when he made it to the bottom. He had no type of brief on at times because in all honesty he wiggled too much for one to stay attached. I noticed his butt was getting a tad red also. I took few breaks while there, usually getting a drink or snack only when staff came in to clean him up or check on things. He was sooo awake and looking all around all the time, but he had the very definite look of, as they say, "being home but the lights aren't on". He favored looking to the right most of the time so I tried to stay on that side more. His eyes would scan across the room, stop and rest for just a split second on me,  and then would continue moving past. He didn't look me in the eye but for once in a great while, But when I entered the room he always looked at me and I could see recognition, as with other family members as well. On Wednesday he nodded "yes" and "no" to some questions, reached for my hand and squeezed it, pulled me down to him to hug me, and kissed me back when I kissed his lips. I talked to him and asked him things. The perpetual movement continued and staff was in often trying to figure out how to position him better. They discussed different beds and chairs, but no change was made because it just didn't seem safe to use other options. Several times he was nearly hanging out of the bed by his arms. At home I worried constantly about his safety although I knew the staff was doing all they could to keep him safe.

Wednesday his butt was very, very sore and rashed, and the catheter was put back in, which caused one more dilemma as he moved about and it got tugged and caught on everything, including his own feet. The feeding, which was continuously running, also presented a problem, the feed line getting caught, pinched and pulled. He was sent to x-ray to check it's placement due to leakage around the feeding site stoma on his belly. He was sent down to surgery as well, initially to get his jaw wired, but they then opted for bolts in his upper and lower jaw with heavy rubber-bands, apparently because he had a drop in BP during the procedure. The nurse explained to me that the Aspen collar would be enough in addition to what they did to his jaw, to hold it steady. 

The doctor asked that I bring his previous medications along on Thursday so that they could get him restarted and hopefully calm his anxiety and restlessness somewhat. Each day I returned home sore and exhausted. I remembered Dr. Hoy saying it would be like this...

Today nick is 9! I now have 2 most special christmas seasons in my life. 2001 when i was given my precious baby boy, and 2010 when i nearly lost the love of my life but his life was spared and he was given back to us.

Facebook on December 21, 2010 at 4:06pm

So tired. Need sleep. To see danny again tomorrow and hopefully he will have calmed down some. 

Facebook on December 21, 2010 at 11:22pm

Danny was sent to xray 2 check placement of his feeding tube since it seems to be leaking stomach contents? His butt is sore so the catheter is going back in 4 now, and he was tolerating the vent off w/jus o2 since 830am. Still as full of anxiety n movement as yest.

Facebook on December 22, 2010 at 1:25pm

Home from the hospital. Danny was as wirey as ever but looks good. Hes alert but i really think hes kinda jus living in the present with no real recall of past or conception of the future. I know there is memory present tho abt lots of things. Very hard to understand or explain. Hes in surgery now. I hope he does ok with his jaw wiring. Ily Danny

Facebook on December 22, 2010 at 5:33pm 

Deanne Peletsky Colna Kath apparently they didn't get to wire his jaw .... his BP went too low so they put bands in.

December 22, 2010 at 8:43pm 

 

Kathleen Quinn-Farber

I just talked to the nurse. She didnt mention anything abt his bp. She said the surgeon opted for 2 screw type things on top and 2 on bottom, because the collar is holding him steady enough in conjunction with the rubber bands holding the jaw in alignment. They were able to do it in preferance over wiring jaw shut. Anyway, his vs are all wonderful now and he is off the vent again and staying in high 90s. I have to take his meds down tomorrow so that he can start them again. 

December 22, 2010 at 9:16pm

Stacy Derr- Walker does he communicate w u...i mean as good as he can? sounds like he is progressing.

December 22, 2010 at 10:58pm 

 

Kathleen Quinn-Farber

He is nodding yes n no to questions, following directions, giving ok sign n thumbs ups. I tested his very short term memory and thats there, like for stuff in same day, and he knows who i am and his family. He remembers how we hold hands, he hugs me. Until he can talk we wont know too much more. I pray he doesnt lose his gift of gab cuz that would kill him. Right now he is just perpetually moving all over and i do fear he often has that look like the lights are on but nobodys home. He is still considered in the normal phases of coming out of the coma tho. Jus keep praying stace 

December 22, 2010 at 11:16pm

Stacy Derr- Walker will do kath. this whole story is amazing on how he is coming thru. it will all be ok. cud the meds b making him seem like he is zoning? sounds like it may nt b long w the vent?? i will keep u all in my thoughts n prayers. hang in there. hugs!

December 22, 2010 at 11:22pm 

 

Kathleen Quinn-Farber They are weaning him longer n longer off the vent. He still gets oxygen thru the trach collar when the vent is off. He really does good with it off, jus that he is still coughing stuff up and that drops his saturation level. And the reason they want to get him back on all his anxiety etc meds is cuz they believe those will help him calm down and stuff.

December 22, 2010 at 11:29pm

Its Not My Time....

I have a musician friend who was in a horrible wreck a couple years back, and wasn't expected to pull through. He had MANY more physical injuries, and also a milder brain injury. He recommended Good Shepherd Rehab to me when I told him about Danny. The rehab there worked miracles with him and he is now back on stage playing.

He had a song that he loved that kinda became a sort of "theme song", and became so with me also, because there were just so many similarities between Danny and the message the lyricist was conveying. The video only adds even more depth and meaning to the song....
click the link, watch n listen...

To Dannys family...you HAVE to watch this video and pay close attention to the video as well as the words. The guy in this video has a premonition, just like I was telling yous Danny always did abt hearing the glass and metal crunch and feeling the blow to his head. Also in the words, its just awesome and fits to a T. "Its not my time. I got a will in me" and "Maybe theres more than you believe." Maybe theres more than Danny believes there is...

3 Doors Down - It's Not My Time

gdata.youtube.com

Its Not My Time

Facebook on Sunday, December 19, 2010 at 2:30pm

Looking back at the beginning of this

And how life was

Just you and me and love and all of our friends

Living life like an ocean

Now the current's slowly pulling me down

It's getting harder to breathe

It won't be too long and I'll be going under

Can you save me from this?

'Cause it's not my time,

I'm not going

There's a fear in me

It's not showing

This could be the end of me

And everything I know

Oh, I won't go

I look ahead to all the plans that we made

And the dreams that we had

I'm in a world that tries to take 'em away

Oh, but I'm taking them back

'Cause all this time I've just been to blind to understand

What should matter to me

My friend, this life we live

Is not what we have, it's what we believe

And it's not my time

I'm not going

There's a fear in me

It's not showing

This could be the end of me

And everything I know

But It's not my time

I'm not going

There's a will in me

And now I know that

This could be the end of me

And everything I know

Oh, but I won't go

I won't go

There might be more than you believe

(There might be more than you believe)

There might be more than you can see

But it's not my time

I'm not going

There's a fear in me

It's not showing

This could be the end of me

And everything I know

But it's not my time

I'm not going

There's a will in me

Now it's gonna show

This could be the end of me

And everything I know

Ohoho

There might be more than you believe

(There might be more than you believe)

There might be more than you can see

I won't go

I know I won't go down

FILLING WITH LIFE ON SATURDAY

Woke up with itchy stuffy nose, scratchy throat, n fever. Had to call in work so there goes my last pay before christmas n the worst part is i gotta stay away from danny now. I hope i can fight this off by tuesday or wed. :-( and i hope he knows im coming asap. IlyD

Facebook on December 19, 2010 at 7:32am

Sunday morning at Barb's I awoke with a cold. I had chills n fever and stuffiness. Was starting a cough too. I couldn't go to work because I was working with sick babies, and I couldn't go in to see Danny either. It would be torture staying away I knew...

I wrote a note on Facebook telling all about our wonderful Saturday and Danny's growing movements and activities...

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
-Author Unknown

Facebook on December 19, 2010 at 11:56am

yesterday...

by Kathleen Quinn-Farber on Sunday, December 19, 2010 at 12:37pm

Yesterday was a wonderful day, for myself, and for Danny. And for his family the past two days also. For three hrs we held hands and he tried every trick in the book to get his hand down to that catheter to yank it out. It was funny but inspiring cuz I could tell he was working toward a task he wanted to accomplish. Those sweet eyes opened alot, and showed emotion. We always hold hands this certain way, with our fingers intertwined, and Dannys have to be a certain way in mine for it to be comfortable for him...I guess one of his ocd things a bit. Well, He repeatedly spread his fingers to hold my hand that way, and twice I tried to change the order of our fingers, and he purposely moved his so they went the way we always do it. That told me alot. I put his glasses on and he reached up to his face in what I thought was a gesture to adjust them, but he looked like he was holding a fake spoon, and sure enough, he was holding his mouth open as if to wait for the food to go in. lol. And I let him feel all around his head, and then he frowned. I told him his head is ok, but he had a bad bump to it and has been asleep for 2 weeks. He then slowly made an "ok" sign with his hand. Its sad that his wrists must be restrained unless someone is holding his hands, but if they werent, within 5min that catheter, vent, IV, BP cuff.....EVERYTHING would be ripped out and thrown on the floor! haha. Twice when I stopped his hand from grabbing that stuff, he made a fist at me, and once gave me the middle finger I think. He never uses that gesture so that was weird. But tears rolled out a few times when I talked abt certain things. And they had him sitting outta bed in a chair even. He's on his way back to us. I am so high...so happy, and so grateful for all the prayers continuing. The thought of losing him was a nightmare. I couldnt understand why after all these years of searching...me for true love, and he for someone who loved him enough to love ALL of him and his countless quirks...that we could be just snatched away from eachother. He has much to contemplate when he's feeling better...abt life, family bonds, the importance of making sure you dont stray off the right path.

I posted a picture that says "Sometimes letting go is the only way to know you are meant to hold on" I kinda came to that resolution several days ago when things looked darkest. I sorta "let go" in a way...I mean not really, and not that I wanted to, but I began to pray just for Gods will for Danny to be done, and not just what I and his family wanted. Thats when he perked up...and I knew we were meant to hold on...

Nancy Erdman Latsha

i have been praying for danny everyday since i found out and i will continue to pray for him :)
i have been in your shoes and i know how you feel when i read this it sounded so much like craig lol but thats good cuz you know he is fighting h...is way back to you~~he aint giving up :) just rem to keep taking care of yourself also!! your kids and grandbaby needs you too :) if you need to talk,cry vent or anything just shoot me a line i will be hear to listen and a shoulder to lean on~~keep the faith sweetie he has come along way so far and will continue to do so :)

December 19, 2010 at 12:49pm 

 

Sarah Hottenstein that's sooo joyful to hear but yet in some sense sad too. kathy you are such a strong woman and you are blessed to sooo many blessings in your family. keep up the great work and keep both your spirits up and most of all keep believing. it's working i think for the both of you. we are all witnessing a miracle here and i love to hear the progress that he has made.

December 19, 2010 at 2:43pm ·

Kathleen Quinn-Farber thanx...yes it is a miracle. To me its all i will ever ask for the rest of my life i think. We all know tho, life just keeps up the curve balls, but I think ive dodged enough of them now...lol

December 19, 2010 at 2:47pm ·

Deanne Peletsky Colna The past few days have been wonderful. It is great just knowing he can hear us and is comprehending what we r saying! things r starting to look up ... day by day.

December 19, 2010 at 4:40pm 

Stacy Derr- Walker he is fighting to get home to you all too! this will make your lives even STRONGER then before! thanks for the updates Kath! believe!!!

December 19, 2010 at 6:10pm

Waiting to Wake

Waiting to wake

by Kathleen Quinn-Farber 

Facebook on Sunday, December 19, 2010 at 9:55pm

there you lie,

 in the center of a whirlpool, 

of what was yesterday; now; 

what is tomorrow. 

You know not our confusion, 

nor us...yours. 

Perhaps not knowing where you might end, 

or where you should begin.

Not knowing if you understand. 

Not knowing if you remember or what you forget. 

While we have all waited with baited breath for a flicker of light, 

for you to let us know somehow you are with us, 

you have been clawing and fighting your way back from deaths grip, 

our prayers somehow winning our will for you, 

for what we want, 

who we love so much, 

to be delivered and returned to us. 

The bed is cold and empty. 

Where we have lain arm in arm and shared our dark secrets, 

it is just a surface to lie down my head now. 

My shoulders are chilly. 

You are not whispering, asking if im cold, 

and pulling me closer while tucking covers around my chin. 

You are not here, chattering on about some silly subject, 

me begging you to shush for the night 

while putting you to sleep with soft strokes up and down your back. 

The joy of christmas, is close now, 

but still like the distant barking of dogs. 

There is half of me there with you, 

in that bed and gone from here. 

Wishing i could be fighting side by side with you, 

making it easier, 

lessening your pain, 

and bringing you back home.

LETTING NICK IN

Dannys waking more n more, and feeling all his pain worse as well. He was "all over the bed" tonight. He calmed down and fell asleep while i had alone time with him for an hour or so :-)

Facebook on December 18, 2010 at 12:08am

Danny was opening his eyes more and more and for longer periods on Saturday. He also was moving both his legs back and forth, and his right arm alot, putting it straight up into the air all the time, then letting it fall to his side. And he kept moving his trunk back and forth, back and forth, in the bed.

Nick had been bugging me since the start to let him see Danny, but I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to let him see him like that. I had snapped pix with my phone and took them to Barb's so he could at least see what was going on. In the pictures Danny had the tubes down his throat and all still, and Nick examined them closely, bombarding me with questions about what all the different machines and tubes were for. Now that Danny's face was free of the tubes, and he was waking, I again considered taking Nick in to see him, and decided I would. Danny's sister and mom were against that...not really sure why. They didn't understand the relationship Danny and Nick had for one thing I think, plus they felt it was too traumatic for a child to see...but my heart told me it had to be done for Nick because he wanted to see him. 

When I got Nick to the hospital Friday night, had him wash and gown up and enter the room, I could feel the tension. Nick felt it too. He wanted us to see Danny by ourselves, but others were in the room. Nick is so shy, and I could see him looking at the equipment all over and I sensed him wanting to ask questions and things, but he stood there silently just looking at Danny in the bed. Danny was asleep from his recent medication. We stayed just a short while and left. It hadn't gone the way I'd wanted it to, and I was unhappy...but it was what it was. I promised Nick back at Barb's I would take him back in in the morning when we could visit alone and maybe Danny would be awake to see him, but I couldn't bring him back in Saturday morning cuz he woke up with a cold starting...

Deanne Peletsky Colna

All I can say is Danny made my day today! Seeing him movng like that and opening his eyes was the positive reinforcement I needed. Was like an early christmas present!!

December 18, 2010 at 12:15am

Nick got in to see danny last night but he was sleeping from pain meds. Cant take him in today cuz as promised cuz hes starting with a cold this morning. I hope i dont get it or that will keep me away too :-(

Facebook on December 18, 2010 at 9:12am

Today danny did so many cute things and things seem to be moving along so quickly all the sudden. They even had him outta bed n in a chair today! He really will be ok im sure, and will be coming home eventually. It was awful to leave him tonight. Next 2 days i work 12hrs n cant visit. I love you hunny...so much. You truly are my christmas miracle!

Facebook on December 18, 2010 at 10:32pm 

Lorrie L Leickel- Koch WOW!!!!!

December 18, 2010 at 11:02pm 

Robin Kinsey Keppley Great news! I'm so happy for u;)

December 18, 2010 at 11:31pm · 

Amanda Mills Kathy, that is so great to hear.... will still keep him and your family in my thoughts and prayer :) but so happy for you

December 18, 2010 at 11:35pm

Sherry Peletsky Today was amazing!! It was the best day I had in a long time...I am sure you feel the same!

December 18, 2010 at 11:55pm 

Susan Hoffman Fannock Well said........a Christmas Miracle!!!!!

December 19, 2010 at 6:33am 

Judy Peletsky I said he would be our Christmas Miracle .

December 19, 2010 at 8:56am

FAITH WHEN THINGS ARE DARKEST

Danny opened his eyes! Twice! Once spontaneously and once on command! And he gave his aunt a peace sign when told to. Its nothing short of a miracle! Theres more to this story but im driving to barbs. When i get there ill write a note. There is another miraculous side to this for me. 

Facebook on December 15, 2010 at 10:28pm

Danny opened his eyes...my excitement was just overwhelming beyond belief. I felt such joy, thankfulness, emotion! He opened them when told to, which meant a PURPOSEFUL action! A purposeful action meant he comprehended a command and followed it! It meant he could understand and reason.

By the time I got to the hospital that evening though, Danny didn't look well. He WAS waking up though. His eyes fluttered open half-way for me twice, and he patted and stroked my hand with his right hand, along with moving it just in general. He was doing a sweet "puckering" thing with his lips, and I knew he could understand my words because he showed emotion. This was all so wonderful, however I was quite distressed. 

Danny's infection was back...and worse. He went septic, the MRSA infection through his bloodstream. His fever was very high again and there was a cold water bodycooling machine on him now to keep it down. God, I just wanted to lay over his body in that bed and keep him warm. His shivering was so intense! His blood pressure was so very low that he had to be on medication to keep it from bottoming out, and his heart rate and respirations were extremely high. Perhaps the scariest thing was the appearance of his urine in the catheter drainage bag. The output was very low, and the urine was thick, dark orange/almost tan, and there were huge globs of mucus in it. This meant his kidneys were slowing down. Sepsis will shut down your organs system by system and lead to death if not treated successfully. More heavy-duty antibiotics were hanging now. I wanted so to stay with him that night, but Nick had school in the morning. I was very frightened.

I wrote on my Facebook notes about it, but also about faith. At my job earlier that day I had an experience with faith, and it was faith that needed to carry us through again now. 

With good news always comes bad it seems...

by Kathleen Quinn-Farber on Thursday, December 16, 2010 at 7:32pm

Well, its true! Danny is coming outta the coma. He opened his eyes twice for me today(a little) and did pretty much purposeful movement with his right hand, like reaching for mine and "patting" it, stroking it etc. He puckered his lips 3 times as if to kiss me, and when I told him that everything would be ok, Chris was down several times to see him, and I would try to get Nick in to see him Saturday, a HUGE tear rolled from his eye and down his face. Chest xray today was better again and they are sucking lots... I mean LOADS of gunk from his lungs. The ventilator is now set on spontaneous, which means he is initiating all his own breaths and it just gives him oxygen when he does so. The cerebral moniter is probably coming out tomorrow. Thats the good news.
The bad news is that he is now "septic" which means whatever infections he has, have gone to the bloodstream causing a bodywide infection, and this is life threatening. It is the reason he keeps running high temps, has a high heartrate and respirations, and very low blood pressure. The meds they are giving him for the blood pressure to keep it up are necessary or he would have none. Sepsis can attack your organs and shut them down. This worries me cuz his urine has turned to what looks like orange juice and has dark mucus in it. I'm afraid his kidneys may shut down, a problem he does not need, as well as weaken his heart among other things. They are giving all sorts of antibiotics and doing anything they can. So please dont stop your prayers...they are still needed greatly. I am so greatful for the help and support, prayers, and acts of kindness we are recieving from those around us, esp my wonderful friend Barb, Bayada Nurses and Hope's Collision and towing. The drs and nurses are still sounding confident that he can beat it all.
I wanted to share something that happened last night at work. The baby who I care for's mom, was opening her Christmas cards, and read a touching poem someone had sent her. We were all misty. Then she read something someone else had sent her. It went like this...

When you come to the edge of all the light you know
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing one of two things will happen...
There will be something solid to stand on,
or you will be taught to fly......

This had us all in tears, and I started to think about what it really meant and how it applies to this situation we are going through. We really do need to have faith, because this is an unknown land we are walking through and no one knows the outcome. Ive been down a few days...maybe subconsciously coming to a point of trying to just ACCEPT that Danny could be the way he is for months or years. Its not a nice thought, but maybe a part of a sort of grieving process. IDK.
I thought about how much we must just have blind faith, in whatever we believe in, whether it be the traditional God of church, or just a supreme spirit of earth and the universe, kinda like Danny believes, and even I, have come to believe in more so. But one things for absolute sure...we need to have faith in it to bring us through, and as I thought about that I kinda resolved myself to keeping faith even stronger. Within a few minutes later, Danny's cousin Deanne called me with the wonderful news that Danny was opening his eyes and following commands. It felt so surreal and amazing, like an epiphany of some sort, or a spiritual awakening. I know that sounds silly, but Ive been having a few years now of questioning my faith and Gods existance as most people believe him to be. I respect everyones beliefs and have been ashamed at times to admit that i'm unsure of it all. But we all have one maker and powerful all-knowing guiding spirit, and that I never doubted....so it was just a neat experience, and im glad I was able to share it at the twin babies house, with a family who also has had their faith tested, but who never doubted it...(Thanx Mary...your poem and warm hug meant the world to me last night)
So, Im off to leave for home, and will back at the hospital after school tomorrow and Saturday. Then I may not get down til Wed or Thurs again due to work. And Danny would say, "Kath, you gotta keep going. Life goes on" But I dont wanna go on with it without him, and I have faith that I wont have to.....Thankyou all again for your thousands of prayers. I love you all.




Our bed feels the size of a football field.
Facebook on December 17, 2010 at 12:54am


When I called the ICU early next morning, I found out once again what faith can do....

The nurse who had danny overnight said his fever went down without cold packs running, that she was able to wean him off the blood pressure raising meds, that his urine output was ok and its just cloudy with mucus!! Its a miracle! alot of purposeful movement with right hand and moving all 4 extremities!! No eye opening. Praying at least hes getting well. 

Facebook on December 17, 2010 at 6:22am