ReMed Intake Interview and Tour

    Yesterday was the intake interview and tour of ReMed. Danny was up til almost 1:30am on the computer but for a change got up when called and got ready. How nice! We were ready and waiting when his cousin Sherry arrived to pick us up. The drive was nearly two hours. Danny of course talked most of the way.
    The meeting took place not at the actual facility, but at their administrative offices. We were taken into a board room, offered something to drink, and shortly there after Annawyn, the admissions coordinater, came in. She and I had spoken on the phone and emailed several times in the past weeks. Funny how it is when you imagine in your mind how someone might look just by their voice and what they do, but then they turn out to look nothing like that at all. I had envisioned a smallish woman in her forties with dark blonde straight hair, a heavily made-up face and an overly professional air about her. Annawynn was tall and dark, very pretty but so natural looking, and had a deep soothing voice. I could sense she was a very honest and down to earth person, which was the one thing I kinda picked up on accurately through our emailings and conversations. She briefly explained the program and admission process, telling us the typical stay is 90 days, gave me a packet of literature, and emphasized to Danny that the program is fully voluntary. Then we waited for Scott, the clinical director, who stepped in a moment later. He was friendly and warm, but calm and soft spoken. He conversed with such patience. I felt so nervous for Danny, but yet my mind was all over the place (a quite common thing for me as of late) I searched my mind for an actor Scott resembled to me....Richard Gere...yes, that was it.
    Scott talked to Danny and did an in depth history, mostly of his bi polar and OCD issues. As the conversation went on I found myself fearing that Scott was going to form an opinion that Danny's issues were too complex and of a more mental nature and that he would not be appropriate for brain injury rehab. Danny's latest fixation is about "fighting"...wanting to pick fights with others and even getting into "professional" fighting...but they are fixations, lasting usually about two weeks, and then its on to something else...but he fixated on that during the interview as well. At one point Scott noted that one of his responsibilities is to protect the other brain injury survivors in the program and that no one perceived as a "danger" to them could be admitted. What was so frustrating to me though was that Danny is a "talker" and says alot of things, but inside he is just a pussy-cat. I told Scott that in almost three years together I have never seen him be anything other than friendly and sociable with others. Sherry agreed. Danny did indeed have fighting problems in his school years, but many boys do. His only acts of aggression were aimed at me, being closest to him and maybe being the one trying to direct his actions and activities throughout the brain injury healing process. I also explained that Danny's "hitting" when directed at me, was a jab in the ribs or occasionally the side of the head. It was almost exclusively unprovoked (although Danny felt it WAS provoked). I didn't want Scott to picture Danny dragging me around by the hair and throwing punches or physically hurting me. The emotional hurt and threats when he is spealing off at the mouth, is what bothers me, and I know is very wrong and harmful. I also know from my association with the other survivors families, that this behavior is very common in about half the cases, especially if one had aggression problems in the past.
    Scott went over his drug and alcohol history as well. Danny talked alot about wanting Ativan (another more recent obsession) and complained over and over that he needs to have that given to him for the anxiety he feels come over him multiple times a day. Scott explained that it is their policy basically to avoid the use of benzodiazepines and such, and instead teach coping skills. I liked the way this place thought! Danny was on his way to real addiction problems a couple times in his life, and I feared him falling into that again. As Danny talked more to Scott, and later to Annawyn during the tour, I felt such a sense of sadness for Danny. 
The coping skills he needed for real life were never taught to him and he reminded me of a child who was so very frightened and had a tough shell on the outside...a wall all around him, to make sure he didn't leak out and that others couldn't get in. The confusion and loss of self from the brain injury was compounding that.
    I had emailed Annawyn an in depth description of all that has happened and what was going on since, and she had forwarded it to Scott, so I kept pretty quiet during the interview and allowed him to get all his perceptions straight from Danny. I filled in here and there with pertinent information. Danny has been a pro at talking and acting with doctors and therapists in the way he thinks they WANT him to, but today he was very honest and true. It scared me in a way, yet I was so glad. The time for honesty was upon us.
    Scott wrapped it up by explaining more about the program and that all the disciplines there such as psychology, OT, PT, medication management etc, come together to work on the whole person. There would be medication trials, formal neuropsychological testing, work on becoming motivated and independent and teaching of coping skills. Danny flip-flopped back and forth between saying he wanted the help and did not. The length of the stay was an issue. And at one point he got a very flippant attitude and laughing, told Scott this would just be a "vacation" for him and an opportunity to "have fun." It was one of those moments I wanted SO to shove a sock in his mouth.
    We followed Annawyn in the car to the facility for the tour. The grounds were spacious and there's a big pond with fish. She kinda warned us before we went in that the facility is an old farm house actually, and it isn't fancy. Inside we followed her through halls and poked our heads into rooms. She was right. It was very modest...quite plain really, but clean and organized. She showed us a room with a computer at which point Danny asked a million questions about being allowed to use chat sites etc. I already knew what was going through his mind...enough said. We saw a bedroom and she explained that you had to bring a TV if you wanted one, and we saw kitchens for staff and one for patients who are safe enough to cook when allowed. She told us about the meals and that extra snacks had to be brought yourself...haha, I was thinking about where they would store a two week supply of 84 Hershey bars since you can't have food in your room. That habit would have to come to a screaching halt as far as I was concerned...the focus is on healthy eating. They did have smoking areas though...I was hoping he might quit while there. In one area there was loud yelling and cursing from a patient and it bothered Danny. He complained and said that would agitate him and cause him to fight. Annawyn calmly went over coping skills...he would have to remove himself from the area if it troubled him. He said he cant do that and she explained again and reemphasized that its all up to him...if he wants the help then he will try the things told to him, and if he doesn't, thats his choice as well. It is time to change even as a person and start to find productive ways to live life. I am acutely aware that this opportunity is a huge blessing dumped into his lap. It could change his whole life in so many ways...I hope and pray he lets his walls be torn down.
    Monday the board meets to decide if he is accepted, and then the Pa Head Injury Program approves the grant money, and then its just a matter of waiting for a bed to become available.
    The three of us stopped at Boston Market to eat on the way home. Conversation was light. On the way home Danny had a yelling episode directed at me, which I ignored to the best of my ability.
    Later at home, his memory of the day was already sketchy. He didnt remember where or why we were there and kept saying that all along he had no idea it was a place for brain injury but instead thought it was a drug and alcohol rehab. I think its the word "rehab" that keeps making his mind shift that way. Anyway, today we see the neuropsychologist and cog therapist in Allentown, and will go over it again I assume. I hope he gets up and is willing to go today...