Danny and I...
by Kathleen Quinn-Farber Facebook on Friday, December 10, 2010 at 3:30pm
There is so much on my mind that its hard to think. I have so many feelings brewing inside me...sadness, anger, resentment, hope, and mostly so much love.
Theres quite a story behind Danny and I, one that Danielle Steele or some other writer could turn into a marvelous novel. Most of my friends know part or all of it, because of my openness with my blogs and personal life. Ive been accused of revealing the unnecessary, but blogging helps me and it helps others I believe, and I feel no shame.
Danny came into my life almost 2 years ago. Actually Ive known him since he was a kid...lol...he says he had a crush on me since he was 12...haha...I just think thats funny and ironic..maybe even kinda weird. But anyway, I separated from my husband 2 years before, an 18 yr relationship often filled with alcohol and abuse. Looking back I was a care-taker, a scapegoat, someone to hold his life together because he couldnt do it himself. But thats the past. I got the strength to end it. Well, over the course of a few months, feeling like a trapped animal let out of a cage, I went a bit haywire. I was going out, getting myself in little jams etc. Danny and I communicated on Myspace alot. I was depressed, looking for love in all the wrong places (and faces), at the point of losing my house due to my financial woes, perhaps heading toward ruining the best job I ever had, and my life was pretty much on a path of self-destruction. At the same time, so was Dannys. A guy who wouldnt take an aspirin all his life, became a drug user for a short period of time, especially while in Germany in the service, and pushed away his family and friends as he used and abused everyones attempts to help him. Although he told me he resented what he saw as them not caring, I understood that they had to close the door on him, just as I had to with my husband. Danny's also had a mixed bag of issues, bi-polar, severe OCD, ADHD, depression and anxiety. I took him in as a friend and roommate, for some financial help, some companionship and company...crazy pretty-boy Danny, a ladies man...lol. A dimestore psychiatrist, with the answers to every womans problems, the country's problems, the world's too. But he dropped the life he had, be what it was, and came to stay with me. We continued to form a stronger friendship, then eventually an open relationship for a few months, growing closer and closer. He eventually told me he cared too much about me to continue to look for anyone else and that he never used the word love all his life, but that he was starting to understand what it felt like. I fell months before he did, but kept it to myself. In the first 8 months together some of his bi-polar and unreasonableness got on my last nerve. He had problems I couldnt deal with and I threw him out into the cold. He went to stay with an aunt and uncle. For one month I cried and cried. The nights were the worst, missing him, staying up all night because I couldnt sleep and IMing my sons girlfriend. A couple weeks before I made him leave we also found out that we were pregnant. I didnt know what to do. I was scared to death. I ended up miscarrying 10 weeks into it. Please forgive me for never telling his family this part. It was very personal and hard and only 2 of my friends, my kids and Danny knew. He was happy on one hand, but our relationship wasn't stable at that time, and we were both afraid that at my age it would be risky. I guess God took care of it the way he saw fit. I took Danny back after learning that he took steps to get help for his problems as soon as I put him out. And he has followed through all this time...psychiatrist, therapists, meds. He has come such a long long way. And we grew closer and closer. He took my youngest, Nick, who had basically become naughty, angry, rude, and withdrawn, and he spent every day taking Nick out with the dog, playing ball with him, bike riding etc...more daily love and attention then he ever was used to. Danny began saying Nick is now like his son(which was a bit unsettling) and that he would stand by him and me forever. He wanted to see Nick walk through the doors of a college someday. In the meantime I had many issues too. Depression, feelings of suicide, post traumatic stress from my marital abuse as well as 4 yrs of sexual abuse as a preteen. He was able to draw those things out of me, holding me for hours when i would cry. At this point I want to say that the remark was made by more than one person that Danny wanted me for someone to take care of him and give him attention. There is a grain of truth in that. His life was a shambles and he had no one. But really thats so opposite of the truth. He is a good man, and he prompted me to also get into treatment for my issues. He has taken care of ME most of all, seeing that I slept and ate, and sometimes being harsh or cruel in his statements about my past and present ways of doing things (brutal honesty hurts and angers, but for me was needed.) My depression lifted and im feeling positive again. During the past few months he has tried to get me to get my divorce done, and has said over and over again that he maybe even wants us to be married. I wasnt sure I wanted to do that ever again, but oh how I wish we had done it. Now he lies in the hospital and I feel like basically an outcast...a nobody. I have no rights, even though over the past 2 yrs I know everything about him, more than anyone else on earth...his hopes, fears, dreams, what he would want. Now I look at him lying there and my heart feels like a big swollen piece of sore meat. Nick needs him, and my son Chris...lol imagine, even wants him home as well. We have a life together now, dreams of getting a house of our own and raising Nick up as a positive person. I put up with his quirky crap, and he puts up with mine, but at night we always know we have one another. My wish is never to offend his family, but I dont feel anyone understands how we feel about one another. He needed me and I needed him, and we were brought together by those needs. I love him from the bottom of my heart...at 47, love I never felt in my life.
To update everyone, they have put him back into a coma cuz of pnemonia. His brain injury is the same but not worse. I will stand by him no matter what, and I will bring him back to his home, where he wanted to be, with Nick and I. I will push him in a wheelchair, wipe his butt, do anything I need to. He saved my life and I saved his. I will never abandon him and he knows that. Thanks for everyones prayers, for his mom who I know is hurting, and his sisters, and his aunt and uncle and cousins. We have to keep our chins up and believe hes coming back to us.....
Jeannine Ann Carroll I hope all works out for you Kathy,Your a good person and deserve Happiness. I will continue praying for you and Danny and hope all works out for you. All your life you have done for everyone else, I really hope some good comes to you.
December 10, 2010 at 7:22pm
Kathleen Quinn-Farber Thanx jeannine. I dont look at things Ive done for others as a right to expect it back. I just dont want to lose something that took me all my life to find. And nick doesnt deserve to lose danny either now that he actually has someone who teaches him, plays, does homework, is patient with, and cares about him. Thanx for your prayers and caring.
December 10, 2010 at 8:21pm
Kathleen Rega Oh Kathy,if anyone deserves happiness ,it's you..you're in my thoughts and prayers daily..with lots of love...
December 10, 2010 at 9:34pm ·
Robin Kinsey Keppley Just catching up on ur posts, sorry to hear things aren't progressing faster but good things take time. Glad u have a good support system w the docs and nurses! Will keep praying:) I know it's hard for u all.
December 10, 2010 at 10:49pm
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Judy Peletsky Thank you so much .For keeping me informed when I am not there you will never know how much that means to all of us .
love and prayers to you both .
love and prayers to you both .
December 11, 2010 at 7:25am
Glenroy Wolfsen I am glad things are stablizing now. Thanks for letting us know. I pray that he improves now every day.
December 11, 2010 at 7:55am
John V. Peletsky Thank you for keeping us all updated, it is greatly appreciated. Danny is very lucky to have you
December 11, 2010 at 8:37am
Kathleen Quinn-Farber thanx James. Thats exactly what I expected you'd have to say.lol. I am resting AND eating, so dont worry. love ya
December 11, 2010 at 10:38am
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