Well, I havn't been able to show my face here due to the embaressing and awful circumstances going on. Before I go on any further, heed these lessons...#1 when you feel things building up, like REALLY BAD and you feel you need help...GET IT if you can, SOMEwhere, and dont wait!! #2 Never be fooled into thinking that when you ARE in that awful shape, that self-medicating, even a little bit, will help...it MAY sometimes, but it might NOT and #3 always be careful with who you trust with your personal business, feelings, and so forth....
As you might be aware, I've been venting the past few days, weeks really, hinting abt bad feelings, things being said...things I should have kept private except in personal mssgs to you girls who are going thru the same or similar. I said that Danny is going thru the "hypersexuality" effects of brain injury...plus he always was a tad forward with comments...abt girls, their attractiveness, etc. due to his bipolar behavior. He never has cheated on me, nor ever done anything physical with or to any other woman but me since we've been together. I should KNOW by now this is him, plus its been made worse by the TBI. His OCD has been raging, he's been downright at times unbearable due to it, with the getting into things, annoying family and ppl around him, and we lost our wonderful psychiatrist and he needs to get one quickly who can get him stabilized. So anyway, Danny was making comments abt other girls quite often, sometimes I believe just to get to me, and one of the ppl he made some comments abt is my son's girlfriend. As you can imagine this was hurtful to me. A time or two he even said something directly to her, like abt wanting to kiss her, or that he would like to f**k her cuz she is hot. I KNOW he would never try to do those things and he is no danger to anyone in that way. With stress abt other things building and building, this too was beginning to be an issue for me. I grew close to my son's girlfriend and eventually confided in her that he was talking this way sometimes. I trusted her to keep in between her and I. I knew my son would be furious if he knew, and its NOT that I wanted to be secretive...I just felt it was something more due to his brain injury, and was something I could make her aware of.
Skip to Thursday evening...stressed abt bills, household aggrivation, Danny's behavior(which hasnt been SO bad, just annoying lately), my daughter's outrageous nonsense lately and worry abt my granddaughter, my ex outta jail and back on the bottle and waiting for his show of himself at my door and all that shit again, etc etc...ALL EXCUSES of course, and I decided to have some alcohol and play on the computer, watch TV, whatever. I had one and 3/4 of what are called 4LOCO, which is a 16oz, flavored malt liquor containing 12% alcohol. I bought 2 of them. Danny's dr.s, both his regular, and his neuro doc told him and I that alcohol, as in A drink once in a while, would not be harmful to him...but Danny has had no taste for alcohol anyway. When he first came home he talked abt it alot, but stopped in a week or so even mentioning it. He hasnt drank, nor did he Thurs night except for about 3 gulps. The rest sat getting warm. I drank mine, felt ok, alittle buzzed, relaxed. Before we went up to bed I finished his, rather quickly...idk why, except that it was pretty warm and figured drink it down. When we got up to bed everything was ok until Danny started talking abt the concept of someday bringing a third girl in to "sleep" with us. I reject this idea always, and sometimes he drops it, sometimes he keeps it up for a bit. I started getting very angry. He was laughing and I guess found it amusing that I was getting so animated with my anger. He was making comments girls etc, and I just snapped when he wouldnt stop it when I asked him to. I started reacting fiercely, jumped on him in bed and started trying to hit him on the chest and shoulders. He was like "What the hell is wrong with you?" and was telling me to knock it off and lie down, and we did calm down for a short while. He went downstairs and my son's girlfriend came in and talked to me. Then she went back in her and my son's room, Danny came back to bed, and within the space of a few minutes I was at him again. He was pushing me off him and ended up catching me on the temple with hyis hand, and pushed me backward onto the floor, and I then started kicking at his hands. When he said he had alotta pain in his hand I stopped. Abt this time I think, my son texted my phone from work(he works nights) and started threatening Danny and calling him names. Danny was angry then and pushed her door open to IDK, express his anger abt Chris' texts and she in turn yelled a buncha stuff at him. Turns out she text him at work, prolly cuz she didnt know how outta hand we were gonna get, and told him abt the comments that had been going on etc. Needless to say my son was and is furious. I AM NOT angry at her for telling my son...if it made her feel uncomfortable, thats her boyfriend and of COURSE she would tell him...I just should have kept my private concerns private. Oh how I wish I had...this was my worst fear.
It gets worse. Danny called 911 for an ambulance cuz he believed his finger was broke, and I wouldnt drive him to the hospital of course. When the 911 operater asked what happened Danny told them it was an altercation, so instead of just an ambulance, police came as well. They questioned us both. I told them i'd been drinking, he hadnt, it was my fault and I started the physical stuff, and he told them it was his fault cuz he was egging me on saying things to hurt me that he shouldnt have been saying. They left saying we would be cited under the new domestic violence ordinence, and Danny left in the ambulance. They were gone abt 2 hrs and Danny called saying he was ready to come home, and my head was clear by then and I went and got him. It gets still worse...
Next morning there are police at the door. Danny was up in bed yet. Cop told me we had to go to the station to be ARRAIGNED!!! WTF!!! We could go down on our own or they could transport us. I said we'd be down. Well I'm upstairs tryin to wake Danny and explain all this...no easy task. It was just over an hr til we got there and the cop there asked what took so long and that we were 5min from being picked up which wouldve meant real bail! There I am trying to explain how hard it is to get Danny moving. So anyway, we were arraigned on charges of simple assault and harassment, have 10 days to get fingerprinted, and are out on bail on our own ricognence or whatever! Hearing will be near end of Sept., we need lawyers etc. I am so hurt and humiliated at myself....cuz it was all due to my own stupidity and drinking to try to relieve my stress, and causing all this abt the son's gf and all to come out instead of keeping it private. And worst of all, I broke Danny's finger...we hurt eachOTHER :-(
And unfortunately it gets even still worse...the WORST part! My son is now sooo angry at Danny and I...he wants Danny outta the house, saying he never did anything but cause us all problems, lotsa name-calling, and in his anger even laid it all on me abt my failures as a mom to protect the kids from the things they went thru with their dad my ex, and I've chosen Danny over my kids and he doesnt wanna see my face etc etc. He said if I dont get Danny outta the house he will work 12hrs/day 7days/wk to get his own place and he's taking Nick AWAY FROM ME!!!! All this yelling took place over the phone once we got to my friend Barb's house. I was/am devastated. If I know my son like I think I do, he will cool down some and maybe this will blow over...I mean the WORST of it...but we've been at Barb's 3 days, and Danny is fluctuating between admitting he did something wrong and understanding my son's anger, and at times saying he is being terribly accused of some really horrible thing with which he needs lawyers and this and that for, and saying he knows my son will try to fight him when we walk into the house tomorrow etc etc.
Girls, IDK what to do. Danny's cousin is going to take him for prolly 2 nights, but no one in his family can take him permanently, and he needs to get to his appts and treatment, and IDK whats gonna happen at home. I am like ready to puke at all times, and the closer to tomorrow it gets the worse i'm afraid. Is this the end? And if we walk in tomorrow and police have to come for any reason it will be a violation of our "bail" and we go to jail til the hearing. I cant risk that. I am an utter mess. Just an utter mess.
If there's any good thing, its that I am DONE drinking. It caused me little problems here n there thru the past 5 yrs...a DUI 5 yrs ago, nothing since, just acting stupid....and i'm no alcoholic by far, but I know now it is something I must refuse because it isnt good for me....ESPECIALLY under any kind of stress......
Please say a prayer. I am literally hanging my head right now in shame to even have to tell all of you this awful story....
If it is a good facility and they are able to help him, just think how much nicer life would be for both of you as a result!